With a very blunt knife I was cutting a tomato... I used a lot of strength trying to pry through its skin... I accidentally cut myself... Lifted the whole top skin off my left thumb... There was blood... quite a lot of it...
I washed it, put pressure on it and put a bandage on it... I don't even feel the pain anymore... Just the inconvenience of the bandage...
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I left...
Please don't think any lower of me... I didn't succumb to the pressure... I didn't surrender to loneliness.. In the end, it was the challenge of God that got to me...
The challenge:
Do you believe I will still bless you... And bless you above all your expectations if you leave?
Training everyday has become your way of life... Change will be excruciating... You might not know it now... but you are injured... and it will soon become unbearable... In some nights you will start thinking that you have given up everything in life and you have nothing that matters anymore... You might be tempted to take your life on those nights... Don't.
When you finally get a stable job and encounter your first step back... When people start bitching behind your back... and their malicious intent start overflowing into their actions around you... You will find it familiar and wonder to yourself,"If people are the same everywhere, why did you forsake your dream?"... That will drive you insane... But hang in there... my promise is on its way...
When you find a human lover... And everything is nice and dreamy... And you let your guard down and remove the walls around your heart.... You will taste immense saturated happiness for awhile... And then you will experience your first quarrel... It will traumatize you... You will wonder to yourself,"If it was because of him that I left the squad, the sacrifice is too large." At that moment, you might be tempted to take your life... Don't.
At the end of your search for happiness on earth... you will come to the conclusion you knew all along... even now... that nothing on earth can ever provide you with what you really need... Jesus... and that every hardship pointed you to him...
Knowing all these things, you will begin to understand that the outcome will ultimately be startlingly similar... Whether you stayed or left...
Leave... and allow me to use you for my glory.. Don't leave in a pursuit of happiness.. You will not find it... Instead, leave and move on to the next place I need you to be in... Never forsake me... Never tear down the walls of your heart for man... In the real world, you will need every bit of strength and wisdom you learned as a fighter...
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Yes... It was this challenge that got to me... The next few months of my life will be difficult... Every night I will be tempted to go for training and beg for an opportunity to continue training... But I must have the discipline to stop myself...
If you are reading this, occupy me.. Ask me out... Think of something for me to do in the evenings... Thanks! =)
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