Happy Mothers' Day

Happy Mother's Day Mummy!!

Thanks for everything.
For giving birth to me,
For giving me food and drink,
For giving me a roof above my head,
For supporting me through my education and tkd,
For being my listening ear (Enduring my endless complains)
For knowing about this blog but pretending that you didn't know...
I appreciate it.

Thanks for giving me half of your genes.
Because now I am sure that I have:
The ability to care
The ability to work
The ability to do housework
The ability to cook
All written in my genes.

Thanks especially for pointing me to God whenever I am troubled.
And for helping me find back my self esteem (still a work in progress)

Love you loads!!

And a miracle is born

Dear Lord,

Thank you so much for blessing Gwen with a smooth delivery.
Thanks for creating such a beautiful baby Leonard
And blessing him with such a good family.

Please bless my sister and her family.
Please look after them and keep them safe and happy.
Please guide Gwen in her path in a good mother
And give Kia lih the wisdom to be a good father and husband.

In Jesus's name,
Amen

Blog

Has God changed?

No.

Have I changed?


No. You have always been like this.

Have my mind changed? I feel obviously much less grateful and thankful than before, have I grown into a monster?

Denise... Who can smile in the face of adversity... and give thanks for the pain and suffering... the humiliation and heartache?

Only Jesus...

Yes...Only Jesus... And yet, you are trying so hard to do it all by yourself... Something that is impossible for man to do...

I am disappointed and angry with everyone...

You have good reason to feel this way... After all, if man was all that perfect, Jesus wouldn't have had to die on the cross... You have good reason to feel the rage and disappointment...

I feel lost and guilty for allowing my heart and mind to be filled with rage, hate, anger and disgust...

You don't have to feel this way... You tried your best to be a good person... I know you did... Now, just stop punishing yourself and embrace the new chapter of your life...

I feel tired and drained... the pain I feel is a constant reminder that God has failed me... He has allowed for my nose to be broken...

Denise... You did break your nose... but there was no blood, minimal swelling and bruising and within two days the pain was almost gone... Don't you see what a miracle that is? You think this is normal? Most people bleed and bruise badly... You are a walking testimony of healing...

But I am disfigured...

Be patient... See what the doctor says on Monday... Have faith... The path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter... You can only grow more beautiful... Have faith...

My friends and family - they do not care for me... I feel estranged and hurt...

So do you prefer that they pause their lives and rush into your home to comfort you? Everyone is facing their own little crisis... You know it... You used to be able to see it and sympathize with them... But now you are blind... with your own suffering and grief.. too overwhelmed to have compassion for them... But Denise, trust me... Don't be too hard on them now... For when you are well, you will regret it....

What should I do? I need comfort.

You have the holy spirit... you have the word of God... You have this blog... Do what you do best... Blog...

Forgive yourself

If one can forgive himself, he will be able to bear with all the punishments and persecutions that come as a consequence of that mistake. No one can bear the mental torment that he exacts upon himself. It literally opens the door to all sorts of self-abuse including working too much, depriving yourself of family time, belittling yourself, allowing yourself to be bullied by others, allowing disease to ravage through your body. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Resist all the evil that is falling upon you.


There were many cases in which pastors were called to minister to patients who were ravaged by cancer. Many of these patients were due to die in a matter of months. When the pastors spoke to these patients, they realised that many of them were struggling with issues of forgiveness. Most of them found it hard to forgive their parents, their spouse or other people who were mean to them.

But most commonly, most of them found it hard to forgive themselves for some mistakes that have made in their lives. Strangely, not all these mistakes were theirs. In fact, they noted that women and children especially had the strange ability to blame themselves for everything including, their parents’ divorce, not performing as well as their siblings academically, they blame themselves for not trying hard enough when a relationship fails, they even blame themselves when they are being abused. Many rape victims begin to convince themselves that they deserved it. And they begin to hate themselves. This constant admission of fault, followed by blatant unforgiveness eventually leads to them adopt the following mentally:

“I deserve everything bad that is happening to me. I deserve it. So if I do get cancer, just let me fade away. I am scum and I do not deserve to live. If people insult me or abuse me, I should not defend myself. Because, I deserve it.”

But the truth is: You don’t deserve it. Let’s face it. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has fallen short of perfection. This is precisely the reason why Jesus had to die on the cross for our sins. And yes, what he did on the cross was a finished work. ALL your sins are forgiven; you do not have to punish yourself anymore.

Well, if forgiving yourself seems like the selfish thing to do, let me inform you that we are all programmed to treat others like we treat ourselves. The more unforgiving and judgemental you are to yourself, the more unforgiving and judgemental you will be to all those around you. Think about it, forgiving yourself is the kind thing to do, not only for yourself but for all those around you. You must first love yourself before you can love others.

I used to be just like that. I did have my own share of bad experiences. And because no one was there to tell me that it was not entirely my fault and that this mistake was perfectly normal for people my age and that I did not deserve all the abuse that was given to me, I just started to believe that I deserve to be treated badly. Everyday I repeated to myself. “Stop complaining Denise. You deserve it. God is punishing you for your mistake. Be humble and accept it.” And that really poisoned me.

My skin was really bad. Did I do anything about it? Consider seeing a doctor or changing my diet? No. When I was required to lose weight for competition, I simply stopped eating. I was so weak I couldn’t perform during the selection. And after that, I was so weak I couldn’t climb up the stairs to my place. I literally had to crawl up the stairs that day. Did I feel guilty for neglecting my health? No. When people spoke mean things about me right in front of me, did I stand up to defend myself? Or perhaps just made a joke of it and laughed about it with them? No. I took all these as ‘deserved’ punishment. And you know what, this just opens the door to more abuse. People dislike people who do not love themselves. It will just open up the door to more abuse and lead to a downward spiral of torture in your life.

The turning point came when a group of people entered my life. These people showed me that I was deserving of love and happiness. And that I am equally deserving of being happy as everyone else around me. That those who abuse me were always in the wrong and that I didn’t have to tolerate any of this abuse any longer. I started to forgive myself and to resist every bad thing that was happening to me. And from there, I started loving myself and taking better care of myself. After which I developed additional capabilities to be a blessing to those around me. It seems that once I started to resist whatever evil thing the devil throws at me, I begin to get better. My mentality changed from:

“I deserve it” to “I know I deserve it. But Jesus has already paid the price for my mistakes on the cross. So I no longer have to punish myself for it. And you, who are equally sinful, who are you to be so self righteous? Who are you to exact this abuse on me? I resist it in Jesus's name.”

Forgive yourself. You are not only doing yourself a favour by learning how to really live life the way God intended for it to be but also making yourself a blessing to all those around you. Forgive yourself.

And you know what happened to those terminally ill cancer patients after they forgave themselves? They got better.



Dear Lord,

I know that I have made mistakes.
But your grace is larger than all my mistakes put together,
and the blood of Jesus is more powerful than the sins of all the world.

So dear Lord, I thank you for your forgiveness of sins
and forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made thus far.
I take comfort for you have said:
"My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness"
Thank you Dear Lord.

Because of Jesus's blood,
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be happy.
I resist every evil thing that is happening to me.

In Jesus's name,
Amen

Food for the spirit (Please eat slowly)

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want
-Psalm 23:1

Better a little with the fear of the LORD
Than great treasure and trouble therewith.
-Proverbs 15:16

Labour not to be rich:
Cease from thine own wisdom.
-Proverbs 23:4

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13

Building

For every house is built by some man, but he that builds all things is God.
-Hebrews 3:4-

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And now I say unto you,
Refrain from these men, and let them alone:
For if this counsel or this work be of men,
It will come to nought:

But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it;
Lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.
-Acts 5:38-39


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Dear Lord,

I can invest all my emotions, sweat and tears into building,
but if it is not in your will, it will not succeed.
For you build all things.
Similarly, you who are able to create the heavens and the earth,
What is too difficult for you to build?
I firmly believe that with your blessing,
Anything is possible.
Therefore, I am letting go.
Please God, help me forget myself.
Let me forget myself.
Free me from this self obsession that I might be less self conscious and more bold
Bold to do the things you have set in my heart to do.
Bold to be an empty vessel for your works.
I am currently so self-obsessed.
Obsessed with my own goals, values and illusions of security.
None of which matters without your grace.
I seem to be living life, running through a checklist of things I must accomplish.
But that is not healthy at all.
It is a selfish kind of existence which will lead to depression and destruction.
I am no longer of any use to you when I am so filled with myself.
So dear Lord, empty me this day.

In Jesus’s name,
Amen

Gravity (retouched)

I touched on this topic a couple of times over the last two year. Here’s a summary of the previous entries(to help you better understand the following entry):

Why does the moon revolve about the earth?
Why do the earth and all the planets revolve about the sun?

There is a universal law that governs the movement of bodies. Low mass objects are attracted to higher mass objects. As the theory suggests, the earth, having a higher mass than the moon, exerts a greater gravitation pull on the moon. The moon is drawn into the gravitational field of the earth and the two bodies begin to spin about each other.

The earth, the higher mass body, spins about a much smaller circle; while the moon spins about the earth in a larger circle. From an outsider’s point of view, the earth appears to be wobbling, or even motionless, while the moon travels a massive distance about the earth.

The same theory can be applied to the sun and her planets. The sun has the highest mass in our solar system and thus all the planets revolve about it.

In the entry ‘gravity’, I likened this gravitation pull to the social pull we humans have on each other. If you are popular, good looking, intelligent, powerful and influential, you exert a higher gravitation force on all those around you. Surrounding lower mass bodies would be inadvertently attracted to you... Like slaves, they helplessly revolve themselves about you...

Therefore, when you intend to forge any real relationships (real as in – friendship, BGR), it is wise to find people of equal influence... In such a relationship, the two of you revolve about each other like bipolar stars, both parties contributing equally to the relationship.

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Gravity (retouched)
Though the moons are greatly affected by the motions of the earth, they too exert their own impact on the higher mass bodies. A good example would be the tides resulting from the moon’s gravitational force. You may imagine that this is a rather miniscule effect on the earth and is nothing compared to the large excessive effort the moon has to expand to rotate about the earth, but please do not underestimate its effect. Disturbance in the moon also has the effect of creating catastrophic tsunamis and weather irregularities.

Moral of the story? If you really are a high mass body, you will be wise as to which moons you choose to capture. As insinuated, the effect is very much subconscious... Many of these moons will very helplessly lodge themselves to you if they get within a close proximity...

Solution – keep a distance from those moons you do not wish to capture. This sort of explains the aloof and distant character of some celebrities. Well, I guess we can better empathise with them now.

Let’s extrapolate this theory a little further and not confine it to the realm of human relationships... Have you noticed how we, as human beings, so helplessly revolve about the things we place central in our lives? I have heard of housewives getting stressed over their children’s PSLE results, working adults plunging off buildings after losing their jobs, athletes sabotaging each other to secure their place in the sport. From an outsider’s point of view, all this erratic and extreme behaviour may seem awkward and even crazy on many levels. What happened?

The housewife has placed her children in the center of her life. She’s the moon of her children. Small hiccups in their lives lead to great disturbances in her life. The same is true for the working adult with regard to his job, the athlete with regard to his sport. They have all become the moons of the objects, ideas, power they obsess over. It is a dangerous life to lead, considering that none of these are stable and life itself is unpredictable and unstable.

The solution – find the right object to be obsessed over. It should have the following characteristics:

1. Stable
2. Permanent
3. Treasures you equally

What is that? Or rather, who is that? Jesus. Be obsessed with Jesus, he is stable, permanent and he loves you more than you can ever love him. Best of all, his love is constant. You will never have to suffer moments of neglect, moments of doubt, and you will never have to earn or fight for his love. As a result, you will find your life alot more stable than the people of the world, who obsess over transient things like ideas, values, money, recognition, power.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit thy works unto the LORD,
and thy thoughts shall be established.