Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day
may bring forth. (Proverbs 27:1)

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I do love this verse... It's so true... In the past, when people asked me about my plans for the future, I would (very reluctantly) begin talking about a future that seems very proper in the eyes of the world.. A future that involves a good stable job, a good stable hubby and good God-fearing children... It is my effort to blend into the crowd and be accepted..

But I have grown to embrace this rebellious nature of mine... I hate the common route of life.. I hate to have to conform to society's mold of a perfect life... And if there is one lesson that life has taught me well... That would be the lesson that life is unpredictable.. Of course, I have yet to reach the state of indifference when I would throw out the cliche of life being cruelly unpredictable.. But I do agree with the latter.. It is unpredictable..

Thus, when people ask me about my plans for the future (much of the abuse can be forecasted for CNY)... I would give them this reply, "I do not know what God has in store for me... BUT I plan to embrace the callings in my life... Persist in my passion for taekwondo and and take on as many odd jobs as I can find to sustain that dream."

Which would be the plain truth...

Of course, I have thought about other exit strategies such as asking them about their lives before they even begin to get 'concerned' about mine... But perhaps, what this wod lacks is that bit of honesty... I would be a better host this year... I would answer their questions and change the topic to lighter hearted ones like movies and music...

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With that said, my future is really a vast blotch of darkness... I can't see a future beyond tomorrow... Everything seems to be meaningless... Save my passion for taekwondo.. Even that, I can't see a clear direction...

I crave for change.. For some kind of immense adventure... For someone to sweep me off my feet... For an opportunity to learn so much that it opens new doors and windows for self learning..

But my future was never in my hands.. It has always been in the hands of God..

Dear Lord,

You have said in your holy scriptures that
the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter,
that our future can only bring greater things into our lifes.

I feel the age of years weighing upon my shoulders,
I feel the need to define myself..
I feel the need for maturity and independence...

Age should have been a pleasing gift...
For with age comes wisdom and understanding...
But I fear that I have grown embarrassed of my age...
I do not feel wise or independent enough to be of this age...
Even my family members mock me...

Please bless me with a direction...
I commit everything into your hands..


In Jesus's name,
Amen