When people are too honest and genuine, life gets painful. Society becomes our mirror and we are forced to confront the truth all day long. It is okay if the truth is positive. In fact, if you are beautiful, smart and successful, you would love to swim about in truthful praises all day long.
However, if you are fat, old and ugly, would it not be immensely cruel to be confronted with by the truth all day long. Society becomes your mirror reflecting every bit of your microscopic details. Your strengths are enlarged. So are your flaws. Brutal honesty results in extremely high standards in society. Some of these standards are virtually unattainable. As a result, it brews feelings of helplessness in people which eventually lead to depression and suicide.
While it is callous to be brutally honest, one must not swing to the other extreme and become overly polite and tactful. When courtesy becomes too regimental and politically-correct, it loses it charm. It becomes artificial and cheap. What good are praises if they are repeated to everyone like a tape recorder? Life becomes predictable. People speak to each other as if they are reading off an invisible script.
Perhaps an ideal society would consist of a good mix of courtesy and honesty. Though we must be courteous and gracious at all times, we must always bear in mind the basic purpose of human communication; To convey a truthful message. If everything you say are lies, why do you bother to speak at all?
But who am I kidding? There is no such thing as a perfect society. I will start by correcting ME.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Youth (from within)
Appearances are not everything...
But if it makes you feel good and confident about yourself... And liberates you to be a better person... Just do it... Don't condemn others who are appearance-conscious... Just let them be...
Be free to do what you want to improve your looks... Just don't inflict any permanent damage... Remember that you are God's creation and he thinks you are perfect just the way he made you...
---------------------------------------------------
Met a lady at the office today... She is the cleaning lady.. When asked to guess her age, I was certain that she did not look a day over 45... To be kind, I said 40... Guess what? She was in fact 61 years old!!!
I asked her for her secret of youth.. (and she looked really young, strong and slim)... She said, "I am just happy and carefree. That's what makes me young. I do line dancing and ballroom dancing, all sorts of dancing to keep fit." And when she said that, she smiled... As she smiled, she looked even more beautiful...
I guess it is safe to hypothesize that the secret of beauty and youth isn't really in plastic surgery, healthy eating or exercising... Though these things do help... The change must come from within.. Be happy and carefree.. Don't allow stress to cause you to age prematurely...
I have seen 40 year olds that look 60... and 60 year olds that look 40... I myself look 30 when I am stressed...
--------------------------------------------------
I endeavor to be relaxed and thankful (grateful) always... Jesus has left us with his peace... I receive it.. =)
But if it makes you feel good and confident about yourself... And liberates you to be a better person... Just do it... Don't condemn others who are appearance-conscious... Just let them be...
Be free to do what you want to improve your looks... Just don't inflict any permanent damage... Remember that you are God's creation and he thinks you are perfect just the way he made you...
---------------------------------------------------
Met a lady at the office today... She is the cleaning lady.. When asked to guess her age, I was certain that she did not look a day over 45... To be kind, I said 40... Guess what? She was in fact 61 years old!!!
I asked her for her secret of youth.. (and she looked really young, strong and slim)... She said, "I am just happy and carefree. That's what makes me young. I do line dancing and ballroom dancing, all sorts of dancing to keep fit." And when she said that, she smiled... As she smiled, she looked even more beautiful...
I guess it is safe to hypothesize that the secret of beauty and youth isn't really in plastic surgery, healthy eating or exercising... Though these things do help... The change must come from within.. Be happy and carefree.. Don't allow stress to cause you to age prematurely...
I have seen 40 year olds that look 60... and 60 year olds that look 40... I myself look 30 when I am stressed...
--------------------------------------------------
I endeavor to be relaxed and thankful (grateful) always... Jesus has left us with his peace... I receive it.. =)
Resolutions
Resolutions for the rest of the year:
1)Read the Newspapers daily (Improve my english)
2)Physical exercise (as often as possible)
3)Healthier diet (Brown rice, lots of water, a variety of fruits and vegetables)
4)Earn and save lots of money
5)Attend church every Sunday
6)Join a cell group
7)Meet up with friends at least once a week
8)Contribute to the family - housework, at least $200 a month
9)Pick up korean language
10)Visit Korean friends in December
----------------------------------------------------------------
1)Read the Newspapers daily (Improve my english)
2)Physical exercise (as often as possible)
3)Healthier diet (Brown rice, lots of water, a variety of fruits and vegetables)
4)Earn and save lots of money
5)Attend church every Sunday
6)Join a cell group
7)Meet up with friends at least once a week
8)Contribute to the family - housework, at least $200 a month
9)Pick up korean language
10)Visit Korean friends in December
----------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, April 19, 2010
First entry from work
Lunch time... 6th day at work... commencing my second week...
I have to say with absolute honesty that this job is great. Encourages me to think. In fact, this job involves so much thinking, its supported by my creative juices. Quite impressive actually. It offers so many opportunites for self-learning, research and reading. I feel so ENRICHED. Even though it has only been a week.. =)
It is very different from sitting at home. The office has everything I need. It is so conducive for learning!
-------------------------------------------------
Trying to develop a thankful spirit... Implementing this new practice:
When saying grace (before each meal)- Think of one person to thank God for...
I have been doing this for the past week... And guess what? I am alot happier! Nothing's change... It's just that I have allowed myself to focus on the good side of life...
Perhaps the half-empty mindset has really poisoned my mind... It's time to swap it with a half-full mindset...
A thankful spirit ^^
I have to say with absolute honesty that this job is great. Encourages me to think. In fact, this job involves so much thinking, its supported by my creative juices. Quite impressive actually. It offers so many opportunites for self-learning, research and reading. I feel so ENRICHED. Even though it has only been a week.. =)
It is very different from sitting at home. The office has everything I need. It is so conducive for learning!
-------------------------------------------------
Trying to develop a thankful spirit... Implementing this new practice:
When saying grace (before each meal)- Think of one person to thank God for...
I have been doing this for the past week... And guess what? I am alot happier! Nothing's change... It's just that I have allowed myself to focus on the good side of life...
Perhaps the half-empty mindset has really poisoned my mind... It's time to swap it with a half-full mindset...
A thankful spirit ^^
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The best teacher in the world
Have you ever considered that if God was a man... He would be the best in which ever profession he chose to be...
If he chooses to be a fighter, he would probably knock everyone out... If he was an actor, he would be the most handsome actor... If he was a singer, he would have the most beautiful voice... If he was a teacher, he would be able to teach the best lessons in the gentlest ways.. without hurting or humiliating his students...
God is the best teacher in the world...
--------------------------------------------
One month has passed since I gave my life to God... And he taught me so much... How?
By magically introducing two persons into my life... Both of which possessed half of my flaws... What I am trying to say is that... I have been living with so many character flaws all these years... but I have been totally unaware of these flaws because I am such a unique character that very little people possess my 'qualities'... It was thus impossible for me to watch and learn and improve... without having such people who mirror me...
But in just one month... God gave me two mirrors:
Person A - The perfectionist - unable to handle stress and responsibility... she turns into a mad dictator under stress... So concerned with completing the task at hand, she totally ignores the fact that humans have emotions too.. In fact, her heart is so tightly bounded (trying to protect herself from disappointment) that she is so void of human emotion and compassion... she has become insensitive and inhumane... Her kindness is reserved only for a select few - her family members... She has ceased to trust everyone else... She is fault-finding, vindictive and very very stingy...
Person B - Young, arrogant, low self-esteem... High tendency to hero-worship... Uses arrogance to mask her low self-esteem... Always offering advise to people she hardly knows... Even to people older and more experienced than her... thinking that she knows everything because of all the hardship she has been through... She is totally oblivious to the fact that suffering is present in everyone's life.. Not only her own... And people are wiser than she imagines... She talks down to everyone.. Throwing 'wise sounding' advise whenever given an opportunity... Not knowing that it is actually rude to advise a senior on such sensitive matters of the heart... She jumps at every opportunity to help people... but end up irritating them instead...
She forgets that when trying to treat the broken hearts of others, extreme sensitivity and patience is required... She simplifies everything and throws out text book suggestions... Thus hurting the people she wants to help more... She tends to be attention seeking and unconcern of other people's impression of her... In her mind, she thinks "If they are so mean and vindictive, they are not worthy friends anyway." She forgets that good people take many forms... And some good people may have pet peeves.. and one of the pet peeves might include childishness... So, if you have that kind of mindset, you have just forsaken that large chunk of nice people...
-------------------------------------------
It is amazing... How I was so severely irritated with these two persons... I found myself at the edge of murdering them... I complained about them to my poor mummy whenever I got the opportunity... All until one fine day... It dawned upon me... I AM JUST LIKE THEM... AHHHH!!!!!!!
So, all this while I have been such a unlikeable character and no one told me!! Wait a minute, they did try to tell me, I just wasn't listening!
Now that I know how irritating I can be, I feel so grateful to all my training mates and friends who were able to love me despite all my craziness... And more importantly, I am so humbled... I know that I have no right to be angry with all the things I was angry with them for.. Because all these while, they have been tolerating my nonsense...
-----------------------------------------------
These days, I have become more careful with what I say... I try to catch my mean, sarcastic hurtful remarks before they leave my mouth... But I must say, I am still quite new with it... Sometimes the words leave my mouth and I find myself regretting it.. But at least now I am aware of the damage I have caused... In the past, I am totally oblivious and I get surprised when people start treating me badly...
Hello, who can I blame when people treat me badly after I have hurt them so much?!?
Wake up call...
----------------------------------------------
Advise to the persons A and B in me:
Person A - Needs to love people more... Learn to be more generous and less sensitive... People are not talking bad about you... Have a better opinion of yourself... This will develop into a better opinion of others... Be more focused on people... Do not be so task orientated... Must prioritize the feelings of others at all times... And most importantly, RELAX... when you are stressed out, you become a monster, really fierce, emotionless and UGLY...
Person B - Advise is a dangerous gift... Give it only when people ask for your opinion.. And even then, do it very tactfully and carefully... Offering advise has the effect of elevating yourself and demeaning others.. (if it is done badly)... Thus, if you are generally not good with your words, do not offer advise.. you are ruining relationships...
There are other ways of building relationships.. Talk about inconsequential things (like music, movies)... And when you are really close, you can start talking about more sensitive things... Either way, do not be too keen to help.. People do not like to be disturbed.. Learn to respect their personal space... Do not SMS or email them too frequently, you will make them obliged to respond out of courtesy... They will become so tired and thus, dislike you even more...
------------------------------------------------
Good thing is.. though Person A and Person B are completely different people and I do find them irritating at times, I cannot deny the fact that their irritating characteristics are derivatives of a heart of love... They love too much... And that has transformed them to what they have become... So despite my initial irritation with them, I find myself more and more determined to love them...
I am immensely irritated.... and at the same time, I am touched... And at the same time, I am challenged... I must say, such people are rare... And just a few days with them, you learn so much... not about yourself, but about humans on a whole... About how great we really are...
Both persons A and B have circles of friends who are deeply in love with them... Who are able to put up with their atypical behaviors... Why do they do that? Because of love...
I respect humans so much more now...
If he chooses to be a fighter, he would probably knock everyone out... If he was an actor, he would be the most handsome actor... If he was a singer, he would have the most beautiful voice... If he was a teacher, he would be able to teach the best lessons in the gentlest ways.. without hurting or humiliating his students...
God is the best teacher in the world...
--------------------------------------------
One month has passed since I gave my life to God... And he taught me so much... How?
By magically introducing two persons into my life... Both of which possessed half of my flaws... What I am trying to say is that... I have been living with so many character flaws all these years... but I have been totally unaware of these flaws because I am such a unique character that very little people possess my 'qualities'... It was thus impossible for me to watch and learn and improve... without having such people who mirror me...
But in just one month... God gave me two mirrors:
Person A - The perfectionist - unable to handle stress and responsibility... she turns into a mad dictator under stress... So concerned with completing the task at hand, she totally ignores the fact that humans have emotions too.. In fact, her heart is so tightly bounded (trying to protect herself from disappointment) that she is so void of human emotion and compassion... she has become insensitive and inhumane... Her kindness is reserved only for a select few - her family members... She has ceased to trust everyone else... She is fault-finding, vindictive and very very stingy...
Person B - Young, arrogant, low self-esteem... High tendency to hero-worship... Uses arrogance to mask her low self-esteem... Always offering advise to people she hardly knows... Even to people older and more experienced than her... thinking that she knows everything because of all the hardship she has been through... She is totally oblivious to the fact that suffering is present in everyone's life.. Not only her own... And people are wiser than she imagines... She talks down to everyone.. Throwing 'wise sounding' advise whenever given an opportunity... Not knowing that it is actually rude to advise a senior on such sensitive matters of the heart... She jumps at every opportunity to help people... but end up irritating them instead...
She forgets that when trying to treat the broken hearts of others, extreme sensitivity and patience is required... She simplifies everything and throws out text book suggestions... Thus hurting the people she wants to help more... She tends to be attention seeking and unconcern of other people's impression of her... In her mind, she thinks "If they are so mean and vindictive, they are not worthy friends anyway." She forgets that good people take many forms... And some good people may have pet peeves.. and one of the pet peeves might include childishness... So, if you have that kind of mindset, you have just forsaken that large chunk of nice people...
-------------------------------------------
It is amazing... How I was so severely irritated with these two persons... I found myself at the edge of murdering them... I complained about them to my poor mummy whenever I got the opportunity... All until one fine day... It dawned upon me... I AM JUST LIKE THEM... AHHHH!!!!!!!
So, all this while I have been such a unlikeable character and no one told me!! Wait a minute, they did try to tell me, I just wasn't listening!
Now that I know how irritating I can be, I feel so grateful to all my training mates and friends who were able to love me despite all my craziness... And more importantly, I am so humbled... I know that I have no right to be angry with all the things I was angry with them for.. Because all these while, they have been tolerating my nonsense...
-----------------------------------------------
These days, I have become more careful with what I say... I try to catch my mean, sarcastic hurtful remarks before they leave my mouth... But I must say, I am still quite new with it... Sometimes the words leave my mouth and I find myself regretting it.. But at least now I am aware of the damage I have caused... In the past, I am totally oblivious and I get surprised when people start treating me badly...
Hello, who can I blame when people treat me badly after I have hurt them so much?!?
Wake up call...
----------------------------------------------
Advise to the persons A and B in me:
Person A - Needs to love people more... Learn to be more generous and less sensitive... People are not talking bad about you... Have a better opinion of yourself... This will develop into a better opinion of others... Be more focused on people... Do not be so task orientated... Must prioritize the feelings of others at all times... And most importantly, RELAX... when you are stressed out, you become a monster, really fierce, emotionless and UGLY...
Person B - Advise is a dangerous gift... Give it only when people ask for your opinion.. And even then, do it very tactfully and carefully... Offering advise has the effect of elevating yourself and demeaning others.. (if it is done badly)... Thus, if you are generally not good with your words, do not offer advise.. you are ruining relationships...
There are other ways of building relationships.. Talk about inconsequential things (like music, movies)... And when you are really close, you can start talking about more sensitive things... Either way, do not be too keen to help.. People do not like to be disturbed.. Learn to respect their personal space... Do not SMS or email them too frequently, you will make them obliged to respond out of courtesy... They will become so tired and thus, dislike you even more...
------------------------------------------------
Good thing is.. though Person A and Person B are completely different people and I do find them irritating at times, I cannot deny the fact that their irritating characteristics are derivatives of a heart of love... They love too much... And that has transformed them to what they have become... So despite my initial irritation with them, I find myself more and more determined to love them...
I am immensely irritated.... and at the same time, I am touched... And at the same time, I am challenged... I must say, such people are rare... And just a few days with them, you learn so much... not about yourself, but about humans on a whole... About how great we really are...
Both persons A and B have circles of friends who are deeply in love with them... Who are able to put up with their atypical behaviors... Why do they do that? Because of love...
I respect humans so much more now...
I am back
During my month long fast from taekwondo... I had a dream... I dreamed that I was back in the squad and people were much nicer to me...
My dream came true!! I am back... and the kids are much nicer to me... Even Mam is nicer to me... I feel this overwhelming sense of peace... Like everything is exactly where it should be...
The kids are a lot kinder to me... At least they no longer make an effort to irritate me... They either leave me alone or talk to me politely... Mam's and Mr Lim's efforts to maintain discipline in the squad has worked... I feel much more at ease now... No longer on my toes waiting to be offended... I like it... I can now train without any emotional or mental stress... The squad has become a haven...
The bad news is.... It is unlikely that I will be fighting any international tournament anytime soon... In fact, after I start work in about a week's time... I will probably only be able to train once or twice a week...
Nonetheless, I have already fought so many tournaments... I am glad that I took a month's break to sort myself out... It is food my soul needs so much more than yet another exhausting tournament...
It's surprising how rest can change my perspective completely... I no longer feel so tired and drained... I no longer feel so obligated to look after and worse to DISCIPLINE the juniors...
I am just down to train... And when necessary, help to sweep the floor, clear the rubbish... No need to make so much effort (spend so much money) to plan birthday celebrations, make up a duty roster... Which is good... Doing all these things only gave me an opportunity to reveal my imperfections... I couldn't plan the perfect birthday parties and chart out the perfect rosters... People were upset with me... And worse still... I got so drained and out of shape and out of cash that it really irritated me when people were upset with me... A recipe for disaster...
Now that I am no longer responsible for all these things, there are no longer any platforms for the children to hate me... Which is good... I have learned to keep still and let God work...
Now I am a lot more relaxed... =)
Not forgetting that I have learned a very important lesson:
God can work even if I do nothing.. I don't have to be so eager to contribute... Sometimes I make a mess out of everything in my attempts to help... You know how insensitive and compassionate I can be at times... When I am given responsibility, all that insensitivity is put into action and I always end up dictating people, hurting feelings and making people (who are otherwise so determined to like me), hate me...
-------------------------------------------------
I am not a savior... In fact, I am so out of shape, I need someone to save me!! I am no longer going to pretend to be that emotionless, sturdy and hard character...
I am going to be honest with myself and all of you... I am in no position to help you... I am here because I want to train... I love taekwondo... I love all of you too.. But the best thing I can do for you is to be relaxed and happy... NOT to run around, get all flustered, pale, malnourished and ugly... doing things that you all really do not need me to do...
I will focus on one thing - RELAX...
My dream came true!! I am back... and the kids are much nicer to me... Even Mam is nicer to me... I feel this overwhelming sense of peace... Like everything is exactly where it should be...
The kids are a lot kinder to me... At least they no longer make an effort to irritate me... They either leave me alone or talk to me politely... Mam's and Mr Lim's efforts to maintain discipline in the squad has worked... I feel much more at ease now... No longer on my toes waiting to be offended... I like it... I can now train without any emotional or mental stress... The squad has become a haven...
The bad news is.... It is unlikely that I will be fighting any international tournament anytime soon... In fact, after I start work in about a week's time... I will probably only be able to train once or twice a week...
Nonetheless, I have already fought so many tournaments... I am glad that I took a month's break to sort myself out... It is food my soul needs so much more than yet another exhausting tournament...
It's surprising how rest can change my perspective completely... I no longer feel so tired and drained... I no longer feel so obligated to look after and worse to DISCIPLINE the juniors...
I am just down to train... And when necessary, help to sweep the floor, clear the rubbish... No need to make so much effort (spend so much money) to plan birthday celebrations, make up a duty roster... Which is good... Doing all these things only gave me an opportunity to reveal my imperfections... I couldn't plan the perfect birthday parties and chart out the perfect rosters... People were upset with me... And worse still... I got so drained and out of shape and out of cash that it really irritated me when people were upset with me... A recipe for disaster...
Now that I am no longer responsible for all these things, there are no longer any platforms for the children to hate me... Which is good... I have learned to keep still and let God work...
Now I am a lot more relaxed... =)
Not forgetting that I have learned a very important lesson:
God can work even if I do nothing.. I don't have to be so eager to contribute... Sometimes I make a mess out of everything in my attempts to help... You know how insensitive and compassionate I can be at times... When I am given responsibility, all that insensitivity is put into action and I always end up dictating people, hurting feelings and making people (who are otherwise so determined to like me), hate me...
-------------------------------------------------
I am not a savior... In fact, I am so out of shape, I need someone to save me!! I am no longer going to pretend to be that emotionless, sturdy and hard character...
I am going to be honest with myself and all of you... I am in no position to help you... I am here because I want to train... I love taekwondo... I love all of you too.. But the best thing I can do for you is to be relaxed and happy... NOT to run around, get all flustered, pale, malnourished and ugly... doing things that you all really do not need me to do...
I will focus on one thing - RELAX...
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