Forgive yourself

If one can forgive himself, he will be able to bear with all the punishments and persecutions that come as a consequence of that mistake. No one can bear the mental torment that he exacts upon himself. It literally opens the door to all sorts of self-abuse including working too much, depriving yourself of family time, belittling yourself, allowing yourself to be bullied by others, allowing disease to ravage through your body. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Resist all the evil that is falling upon you.


There were many cases in which pastors were called to minister to patients who were ravaged by cancer. Many of these patients were due to die in a matter of months. When the pastors spoke to these patients, they realised that many of them were struggling with issues of forgiveness. Most of them found it hard to forgive their parents, their spouse or other people who were mean to them.

But most commonly, most of them found it hard to forgive themselves for some mistakes that have made in their lives. Strangely, not all these mistakes were theirs. In fact, they noted that women and children especially had the strange ability to blame themselves for everything including, their parents’ divorce, not performing as well as their siblings academically, they blame themselves for not trying hard enough when a relationship fails, they even blame themselves when they are being abused. Many rape victims begin to convince themselves that they deserved it. And they begin to hate themselves. This constant admission of fault, followed by blatant unforgiveness eventually leads to them adopt the following mentally:

“I deserve everything bad that is happening to me. I deserve it. So if I do get cancer, just let me fade away. I am scum and I do not deserve to live. If people insult me or abuse me, I should not defend myself. Because, I deserve it.”

But the truth is: You don’t deserve it. Let’s face it. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has fallen short of perfection. This is precisely the reason why Jesus had to die on the cross for our sins. And yes, what he did on the cross was a finished work. ALL your sins are forgiven; you do not have to punish yourself anymore.

Well, if forgiving yourself seems like the selfish thing to do, let me inform you that we are all programmed to treat others like we treat ourselves. The more unforgiving and judgemental you are to yourself, the more unforgiving and judgemental you will be to all those around you. Think about it, forgiving yourself is the kind thing to do, not only for yourself but for all those around you. You must first love yourself before you can love others.

I used to be just like that. I did have my own share of bad experiences. And because no one was there to tell me that it was not entirely my fault and that this mistake was perfectly normal for people my age and that I did not deserve all the abuse that was given to me, I just started to believe that I deserve to be treated badly. Everyday I repeated to myself. “Stop complaining Denise. You deserve it. God is punishing you for your mistake. Be humble and accept it.” And that really poisoned me.

My skin was really bad. Did I do anything about it? Consider seeing a doctor or changing my diet? No. When I was required to lose weight for competition, I simply stopped eating. I was so weak I couldn’t perform during the selection. And after that, I was so weak I couldn’t climb up the stairs to my place. I literally had to crawl up the stairs that day. Did I feel guilty for neglecting my health? No. When people spoke mean things about me right in front of me, did I stand up to defend myself? Or perhaps just made a joke of it and laughed about it with them? No. I took all these as ‘deserved’ punishment. And you know what, this just opens the door to more abuse. People dislike people who do not love themselves. It will just open up the door to more abuse and lead to a downward spiral of torture in your life.

The turning point came when a group of people entered my life. These people showed me that I was deserving of love and happiness. And that I am equally deserving of being happy as everyone else around me. That those who abuse me were always in the wrong and that I didn’t have to tolerate any of this abuse any longer. I started to forgive myself and to resist every bad thing that was happening to me. And from there, I started loving myself and taking better care of myself. After which I developed additional capabilities to be a blessing to those around me. It seems that once I started to resist whatever evil thing the devil throws at me, I begin to get better. My mentality changed from:

“I deserve it” to “I know I deserve it. But Jesus has already paid the price for my mistakes on the cross. So I no longer have to punish myself for it. And you, who are equally sinful, who are you to be so self righteous? Who are you to exact this abuse on me? I resist it in Jesus's name.”

Forgive yourself. You are not only doing yourself a favour by learning how to really live life the way God intended for it to be but also making yourself a blessing to all those around you. Forgive yourself.

And you know what happened to those terminally ill cancer patients after they forgave themselves? They got better.



Dear Lord,

I know that I have made mistakes.
But your grace is larger than all my mistakes put together,
and the blood of Jesus is more powerful than the sins of all the world.

So dear Lord, I thank you for your forgiveness of sins
and forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made thus far.
I take comfort for you have said:
"My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness"
Thank you Dear Lord.

Because of Jesus's blood,
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be happy.
I resist every evil thing that is happening to me.

In Jesus's name,
Amen