koalathong

Happy Mothers' Day

2011-05-08T22:53:00.002+08:00

Happy Mother's Day Mummy!!

Thanks for everything.
For giving birth to me,
For giving me food and drink,
For giving me a roof above my head,
For supporting me through my education and tkd,
For being my listening ear (Enduring my endless complains)
For knowing about this blog but pretending that you didn't know...
I appreciate it.

Thanks for giving me half of your genes.
Because now I am sure that I have:
The ability to care
The ability to work
The ability to do housework
The ability to cook
All written in my genes.

Thanks especially for pointing me to God whenever I am troubled.
And for helping me find back my self esteem (still a work in progress)

Love you loads!!

And a miracle is born

2011-03-23T19:40:00.005+08:00

Dear Lord,

Thank you so much for blessing Gwen with a smooth delivery.
Thanks for creating such a beautiful baby Leonard
And blessing him with such a good family.

Please bless my sister and her family.
Please look after them and keep them safe and happy.
Please guide Gwen in her path in a good mother
And give Kia lih the wisdom to be a good father and husband.

In Jesus's name,
Amen

Blog

2011-02-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

Has God changed?

No.

Have I changed?

No. You have always been like this.

Have my mind changed? I feel obviously much less grateful and thankful than before, have I grown into a monster?

Denise... Who can smile in the face of adversity... and give thanks for the pain and suffering... the humiliation and heartache?

Only Jesus...

Yes...Only Jesus... And yet, you are trying so hard to do it all by yourself... Something that is impossible for man to do...

I am disappointed and angry with everyone...

You have good reason to feel this way... After all, if man was all that perfect, Jesus wouldn't have had to die on the cross... You have good reason to feel the rage and disappointment...

I feel lost and guilty for allowing my heart and mind to be filled with rage, hate, anger and disgust...

You don't have to feel this way... You tried your best to be a good person... I know you did... Now, just stop punishing yourself and embrace the new chapter of your life...

I feel tired and drained... the pain I feel is a constant reminder that God has failed me... He has allowed for my nose to be broken...

Denise... You did break your nose... but there was no blood, minimal swelling and bruising and within two days the pain was almost gone... Don't you see what a miracle that is? You think this is normal? Most people bleed and bruise badly... You are a walking testimony of healing...

But I am disfigured...

Be patient... See what the doctor says on Monday... Have faith... The path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter... You can only grow more beautiful... Have faith...

My friends and family - they do not care for me... I feel estranged and hurt...

So do you prefer that they pause their lives and rush into your home to comfort you? Everyone is facing their own little crisis... You know it... You used to be able to see it and sympathize with them... But now you are blind... with your own suffering and grief.. too overwhelmed to have compassion for them... But Denise, trust me... Don't be too hard on them now... For when you are well, you will regret it....

What should I do? I need comfort.

You have the holy spirit... you have the word of God... You have this blog... Do what you do best... Blog...

Forgive yourself

2010-10-27T09:37:00.007+08:00

If one can forgive himself, he will be able to bear with all the punishments and persecutions that come as a consequence of that mistake. No one can bear the mental torment that he exacts upon himself. It literally opens the door to all sorts of self-abuse including working too much, depriving yourself of family time, belittling yourself, allowing yourself to be bullied by others, allowing disease to ravage through your body. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Resist all the evil that is falling upon you.

There were many cases in which pastors were called to minister to patients who were ravaged by cancer. Many of these patients were due to die in a matter of months. When the pastors spoke to these patients, they realised that many of them were struggling with issues of forgiveness. Most of them found it hard to forgive their parents, their spouse or other people who were mean to them.

But most commonly, most of them found it hard to forgive themselves for some mistakes that have made in their lives. Strangely, not all these mistakes were theirs. In fact, they noted that women and children especially had the strange ability to blame themselves for everything including, their parents’ divorce, not performing as well as their siblings academically, they blame themselves for not trying hard enough when a relationship fails, they even blame themselves when they are being abused. Many rape victims begin to convince themselves that they deserved it. And they begin to hate themselves. This constant admission of fault, followed by blatant unforgiveness eventually leads to them adopt the following mentally:

“I deserve everything bad that is happening to me. I deserve it. So if I do get cancer, just let me fade away. I am scum and I do not deserve to live. If people insult me or abuse me, I should not defend myself. Because, I deserve it.”

But the truth is: You don’t deserve it. Let’s face it. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has fallen short of perfection. This is precisely the reason why Jesus had to die on the cross for our sins. And yes, what he did on the cross was a finished work. ALL your sins are forgiven; you do not have to punish yourself anymore.

Well, if forgiving yourself seems like the selfish thing to do, let me inform you that we are all programmed to treat others like we treat ourselves. The more unforgiving and judgemental you are to yourself, the more unforgiving and judgemental you will be to all those around you. Think about it, forgiving yourself is the kind thing to do, not only for yourself but for all those around you. You must first love yourself before you can love others.

I used to be just like that. I did have my own share of bad experiences. And because no one was there to tell me that it was not entirely my fault and that this mistake was perfectly normal for people my age and that I did not deserve all the abuse that was given to me, I just started to believe that I deserve to be treated badly. Everyday I repeated to myself. “Stop complaining Denise. You deserve it. God is punishing you for your mistake. Be humble and accept it.” And that really poisoned me.

My skin was really bad. Did I do anything about it? Consider seeing a doctor or changing my diet? No. When I was required to lose weight for competition, I simply stopped eating. I was so weak I couldn’t perform during the selection. And after that, I was so weak I couldn’t climb up the stairs to my place. I literally had to crawl up the stairs that day. Did I feel guilty for neglecting my health? No. When people spoke mean things about me right in front of me, did I stand up to defend myself? Or perhaps just made a joke of it and laughed about it with them? No. I took all these as ‘deserved’ punishment. And you know what, this just opens the door to more abuse. People dislike people who do not love themselves. It will just open up the door to more abuse and lead to a downward spiral of torture in your life.

The turning point came when a group of people entered my life. These people showed me that I was deserving of love and happiness. And that I am equally deserving of being happy as everyone else around me. That those who abuse me were always in the wrong and that I didn’t have to tolerate any of this abuse any longer. I started to forgive myself and to resist every bad thing that was happening to me. And from there, I started loving myself and taking better care of myself. After which I developed additional capabilities to be a blessing to those around me. It seems that once I started to resist whatever evil thing the devil throws at me, I begin to get better. My mentality changed from:

“I deserve it” to “I know I deserve it. But Jesus has already paid the price for my mistakes on the cross. So I no longer have to punish myself for it. And you, who are equally sinful, who are you to be so self righteous? Who are you to exact this abuse on me? I resist it in Jesus's name.”

Forgive yourself. You are not only doing yourself a favour by learning how to really live life the way God intended for it to be but also making yourself a blessing to all those around you. Forgive yourself.

And you know what happened to those terminally ill cancer patients after they forgave themselves? They got better.

Dear Lord,

I know that I have made mistakes.
But your grace is larger than all my mistakes put together,
and the blood of Jesus is more powerful than the sins of all the world.

So dear Lord, I thank you for your forgiveness of sins
and forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made thus far.
I take comfort for you have said:
"My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness"
Thank you Dear Lord.

Because of Jesus's blood,
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be happy.
I resist every evil thing that is happening to me.

In Jesus's name,
Amen

Food for the spirit (Please eat slowly)

2010-10-04T11:30:00.000+08:00

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want
-Psalm 23:1

Better a little with the fear of the LORD
Than great treasure and trouble therewith.
-Proverbs 15:16

Labour not to be rich:
Cease from thine own wisdom.
-Proverbs 23:4

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13

Building

2010-10-04T10:54:00.002+08:00

For every house is built by some man, but he that builds all things is God.
-Hebrews 3:4-

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And now I say unto you,
Refrain from these men, and let them alone:
For if this counsel or this work be of men,
It will come to nought:

But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it;
Lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.
-Acts 5:38-39

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Dear Lord,

I can invest all my emotions, sweat and tears into building,
but if it is not in your will, it will not succeed.
For you build all things.
Similarly, you who are able to create the heavens and the earth,
What is too difficult for you to build?
I firmly believe that with your blessing,
Anything is possible.
Therefore, I am letting go.
Please God, help me forget myself.
Let me forget myself.
Free me from this self obsession that I might be less self conscious and more bold
Bold to do the things you have set in my heart to do.
Bold to be an empty vessel for your works.
I am currently so self-obsessed.
Obsessed with my own goals, values and illusions of security.
None of which matters without your grace.
I seem to be living life, running through a checklist of things I must accomplish.
But that is not healthy at all.
It is a selfish kind of existence which will lead to depression and destruction.
I am no longer of any use to you when I am so filled with myself.
So dear Lord, empty me this day.

In Jesus’s name,
Amen

Gravity (retouched)

2010-09-28T09:22:00.006+08:00

I touched on this topic a couple of times over the last two year. Here’s a summary of the previous entries(to help you better understand the following entry):

Why does the moon revolve about the earth?
Why do the earth and all the planets revolve about the sun?

There is a universal law that governs the movement of bodies. Low mass objects are attracted to higher mass objects. As the theory suggests, the earth, having a higher mass than the moon, exerts a greater gravitation pull on the moon. The moon is drawn into the gravitational field of the earth and the two bodies begin to spin about each other.

The earth, the higher mass body, spins about a much smaller circle; while the moon spins about the earth in a larger circle. From an outsider’s point of view, the earth appears to be wobbling, or even motionless, while the moon travels a massive distance about the earth.

The same theory can be applied to the sun and her planets. The sun has the highest mass in our solar system and thus all the planets revolve about it.

In the entry ‘gravity’, I likened this gravitation pull to the social pull we humans have on each other. If you are popular, good looking, intelligent, powerful and influential, you exert a higher gravitation force on all those around you. Surrounding lower mass bodies would be inadvertently attracted to you... Like slaves, they helplessly revolve themselves about you...

Therefore, when you intend to forge any real relationships (real as in – friendship, BGR), it is wise to find people of equal influence... In such a relationship, the two of you revolve about each other like bipolar stars, both parties contributing equally to the relationship.

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Gravity (retouched)
Though the moons are greatly affected by the motions of the earth, they too exert their own impact on the higher mass bodies. A good example would be the tides resulting from the moon’s gravitational force. You may imagine that this is a rather miniscule effect on the earth and is nothing compared to the large excessive effort the moon has to expand to rotate about the earth, but please do not underestimate its effect. Disturbance in the moon also has the effect of creating catastrophic tsunamis and weather irregularities.

Moral of the story? If you really are a high mass body, you will be wise as to which moons you choose to capture. As insinuated, the effect is very much subconscious... Many of these moons will very helplessly lodge themselves to you if they get within a close proximity...

Solution – keep a distance from those moons you do not wish to capture. This sort of explains the aloof and distant character of some celebrities. Well, I guess we can better empathise with them now.

Let’s extrapolate this theory a little further and not confine it to the realm of human relationships... Have you noticed how we, as human beings, so helplessly revolve about the things we place central in our lives? I have heard of housewives getting stressed over their children’s PSLE results, working adults plunging off buildings after losing their jobs, athletes sabotaging each other to secure their place in the sport. From an outsider’s point of view, all this erratic and extreme behaviour may seem awkward and even crazy on many levels. What happened?

The housewife has placed her children in the center of her life. She’s the moon of her children. Small hiccups in their lives lead to great disturbances in her life. The same is true for the working adult with regard to his job, the athlete with regard to his sport. They have all become the moons of the objects, ideas, power they obsess over. It is a dangerous life to lead, considering that none of these are stable and life itself is unpredictable and unstable.

The solution – find the right object to be obsessed over. It should have the following characteristics:

1. Stable
2. Permanent
3. Treasures you equally

What is that? Or rather, who is that? Jesus. Be obsessed with Jesus, he is stable, permanent and he loves you more than you can ever love him. Best of all, his love is constant. You will never have to suffer moments of neglect, moments of doubt, and you will never have to earn or fight for his love. As a result, you will find your life alot more stable than the people of the world, who obsess over transient things like ideas, values, money, recognition, power.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit thy works unto the LORD,
and thy thoughts shall be established.

A list of activities to cheer yourself up

2010-09-22T09:08:00.005+08:00

1. Cook a simple and healthy dish - It may even be as simple as a smoothie but trust me, the satisfaction that comes from it – priceless.

Check out http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food for inspiration. Just browsing through this chirpy website will make you a lot happier. (Try cooking for some friends to double/triple the joy)

2. Blog – Trust me, no one knows what advice you need better than yourself. Besides, if you really need to complain, this is a very good avenue. It is absolutely judgement-free and it gives you 100% of its attention 24/7.

You can complain for as long as you want and guess what, when you return to the start of the entry to read your own complains, you can see very plainly how irrational some of your concerns are. Either way, it is a good way to trash out your thoughts inconsequentially. Just make sure you don’t publish that post.

3. Buy flowers for yourself – Trust me, something in the genetic structure of women make us genetically predisposed to liking flowers. Just a simple stalk can brighten up your day. To double the joy, when purchasing the flower for yourself, buy another stalk for a friend or colleague. It works wonders.

4. Clean up your room – First, split the room into small manageable bits (eg. Study table, dressing table, wardrobe). Focus on one bit at a time. Get a gigantic trash bag and ask yourself this question – “Will I miss this when its gone?” If the answer is no, trash it. Of course, for the things that are still usable, you may want to consider giving them away.

You may work on a few bits a day but at the end of a week, you will find your living space a lot less cluttered. (Trust me, just sacrifice 15 minutes of that facebook time to clear your room, you will feel the difference)

5. Make someone else’s day – Proven fact, that nothing comes close to the satisfaction derived from helping someone. Anyone. It can be as simple as buying three packets of tissue from the lady on a wheelchair (when you have no need for tissue paper), all the way to helping your parents with the housework or purchasing gifts for your friends and family. DO THIS and you’ll cheer yourself + someone else up. Joy to the world.

6. Try something new – Make it a point to eat something different everyday. It may not have to be something exotic and completely different from your usual preference. You may still eat at the same place but please just try ordering something different. There are people (points to myself) who can settle for eating the same dish at the same restaurant for years. Remember that variety is one of the keys to having a good diet.

Of course, trying ‘something new’ does not cover only the narrow sphere of eating. You can also trying wearing something new – Never worn skirts/boots/heels/makeup before? Perhaps you could try it today. Never tried taking this particular bus home before? Try it. Never bought this brand of perfume before? Try it. Never shopped at this mall before? Try it. Self-banned horror movies from your life? Try it again. Never tried clubbing? Try it (just make sure you go with trustworthy people). Never tried speaking to that cute guy/girl at the bus stop? Try it.

You will find that you do not have to make many changes to reap so much more from your daily life. It is man who subjects himself to routine that ends up reaping the same harvests over and over again, subjecting himself to suffocating monotony. You don’t have to live like that. Try something new.

7. READ THE BIBLE - You will find that the bible can really provide everything you need in life.

If you need a role model, there’s no better role model than Jesus (Mark, Matthew, Luke and John).
If you are in need of human wisdom, there’s proverbs.
If you are in need of sympathy there’s David’s Psalms.
If you are in need of love and encouragement, there are the stories of Jesus (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, not mentioning the beautiful stories of Ruth, Daniel, David, Joseph).
If you are facing some trials in your life, there’s Psalms and letters of Paul (eg.Galatians, Corinthians, James).

Just a small verse is sufficient for you to feed on and to meditate on for an entire day. The beautiful part about the human mind is that it can only focus on one thing at a time. If you are so preoccupied meditating on the word of God, all your problems, pain and complains will just fade away.

Dead

2010-09-16T08:28:00.003+08:00

Every morning, I am greeted by the lovely sight of tomb stones. There are Christian tomb stones and Chinese tomb stones, and underneath these tomb stones are the peaceful bodies of the dead.

Jesus has died your death on the cross,
As he is so are you in this world.
You are now dead to this world.
The principalities and powers of this world no longer has power over you.

I remember that Pastor Prince once said something of the following effect:

“Visit a cemetery, observe the dead. Praise them. Observe, do they smile and shout for joy in their graves? Now, curse them, shout all kinds of mean, nasty and vulgar remarks at them. Observe, do they cry or shudder with rage. No, they do not move. Similarly you my child, are dead to this world. Why do you let their words of judgement affect you? These people know not the grace of God and they do not know enough to judge you. “

I endeavour to be like the dead – with regards to praises and criticism of the world. For all these things do not matter. If God loves me and values me enough to send his beloved son to die on the cross for me, how can your words (you who hardly know me, you who do not love me) change my value?

I choose to define myself based on the price tag God has placed on me. How much is Denise worth? The blood and death of Jesus. You might think I am a betrayer, liar, f**king piece of shit. You might think I am ignorant, proud and nothing but an emotional piece of trash. But think and say what you want, because you know what, you cannot remove the price tag God has placed on me.

Lady Gaga's meat dress

2010-09-15T11:11:00.001+08:00

Time to reveal a small truth about me – I am a Lady Gaga fan. Yes, just like so many others, I am attracted by the strange, horrifying and unnerving. I enjoy so terribly the sensation of being shocked and surprised. And you know what, no one else does it better than Lady Gaga. It is one thing to stop and stare at a lady who is beautiful and another thing to have your eyes helplessly glued on an object that is just screams out for attention.

Lady Gaga’s meat dress... Need I say more? It’s the talk of the town... No one else is talking about any other dress... Lady Gaga has this amazing ability to absorb all attention on herself... Why? Because she is unpredictably predictable... Pardon the oxymoron, I just couldn’t help myself... I mean, we are all looking forward to be surprised, to be unnerved and were we ever disappointed? Not at all... She outdoes herself every time. There is just something so crazily bold and magically outrageous about her.

While most ladies in the music industry are like sweet romantic movies gliding down the red carpet, Lady Gaga is a one of a kind horror, apocalyptic thriller that commands your attention... And you, being so unnerved and frightened, obey that instruction... While the sweet pandering ladies walk by vulnerable and needy for your attention and praise, this is one lady who screams out “I don’t care what you think about me. But you know what, I know you know that I am going to get all your attention ANYWAY.”

Absolutely brilliant!! Lady Gaga, you make me proud!!

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PS. All that aside, I just couldn’t help but wonder how the dress must have smelled like... Being the cleanliness freak I am, I would probably soak myself my in the bath tub for hours after going near a dress like that, let alone wearing one... Just send chills down my spine... Lady Gaga, I salute you for your courage!!

Endangered Koala

2010-09-13T09:36:00.008+08:00

Read on yahoo news a few days back - regarding how one must register with the authorities if one wishes to blog about politics and religion. I guess, I do fall into that category.

Sadly, I do also fall into another category - the majority of society who, out of sheer laziness, would blatantly defy the regulations as long as they can. As long as there are no IMMEDIATE consequences. Yes, we Singaporeans can be quite a bunch of complacent buggers.

With that said, if you should ever discover that my blog has gone missing, do not be surprised that I am also a few hundred dollars poorer.(Singapore is a fine city)

Well, I will continue to blog for as long as I can!! Thanks for supporting me all these years. I am not sure if I really do have a readership BUT for some queer reason, in April this year, my blog was listed as one of the top christian blogs in another website. So, I guess I do have some kind of readership.

Either way, the primary purpose of my blogging is not to be famous or to get attention on myself. It is more of a means for me to organise my thoughts and do my bible study. If God wishes for this blog to be used in other ways, then its purely his perogative and I thank him for it.

It's always good to be used as a vessel for good works.

PS. God, if I ever get fined, please bless me with the resouces to pay the fine. Thanks :D

James

2010-09-08T11:10:00.004+08:00

1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings.

Trials and Temptations
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave in the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does.

The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. l but the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits to all he created.
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Taming the tongue
3 Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brother, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as example. Although they are so large and are drive by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

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Two kinds of wisdom
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbour bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.

Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual and of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

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Submit Yourselves to God
4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Law giver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you – who are you to judge your neighbour?

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Boasting About Tomorrow
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.

Some Psalms

2010-08-30T08:51:00.004+08:00

The word of God is life to all those who find them:

Psalm 147:10 – 11
His pleasure is not in the strength of his horse,
Nor his delight in the legs of a man;
The Lord delights in those who fear him,
Who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Psalm 146: 7-9
He upholds the cause of the oppressed
And gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets prisoners free,
The Lord gives sight to the blind,
The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,
The Lord loves the righteous.
The Lord watches over the alien
And sustains the fatherless and the widow,
But he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

Psalm 138: 6-8
Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
But the proud he knows from afar.
Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You preserve my life;
You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
With your right hand you save me.
The Lord will fulfil his purpose for me;
Your love, O Lord, endures forever –
Do not abandon the works of your hands.

Salt

2010-08-03T08:35:00.001+08:00

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? It is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
Matthew 5:13
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The beautiful thing about salt – in and of itself, it really stings. Just grab a pinch of salt and throw it on your tongue and you will understand what I mean. You will be greeted by the aweful stinging intensity of the salt.

With that said, being a food scientist and a fond lover of food and cooking, I cannot help but preach about the benefits of salt. Though in and of itself, it can be quite repulsive, when it is combined with other foods such as meats and vegetables, it serves to bring out the flavour of the food. What used to be plain and tasteless suddenly becomes a delicious dish. With all the modern condiments and sauces, we tend to forget how powerful salt actually is. It has been the principle condiment in many cultures for thousands of years.

Therefore, when God says that we are the salt of the earth, it really is a compliment. It basically means that we are people who will bring out the best in all those around us. We are sent to wherever we are schooling, working, training and to our families for a reason – to bring out the beauty in them.

Well, sometimes, we can be quite repulsive and stubborn, but I believe that if we persevere, we will achieve what God has intended for us to achieve.

Not forgetting other uses of salt:

1) As a preservative
2) To treat injuries

Something to think about eh?

My short holiday

2010-08-02T08:43:00.001+08:00

Just got back from my three day holiday drive to Malaysia... It was a drive to Port Dickson and KL (for shopping)... On the way back, we dropped by Malacca for a fantastic peranakan lunch and heavenly chendol...

I must say... It felt much longer than three days... Maybe it was because I was doing something completely different from my usual routine.... For the past three months, my weekdays have been dedicated to work and taekwondo and my weekends to taekwondo and church... Pleasant as that may be... It can get a little draining and monotonous after awhile... But the holiday... introduced a completely new rhythm to my life... For one, I haven’t had 10 hours of sleep for ages... I haven’t NOT exercised for three days in a row for months... I haven’t eaten so much sinful and absolutely delicious food for years... Lastly, and most importantly, I haven’t travelled overseas on a trip that didn’t require me to look out for small kids in such a LONG time...

Finally, on a trip where I am the youngest and people are looking out for me... Can’t imagine how comfortable it feels not having to be on my guard all the time... It is just blissful...

Really need to thank my sister and her boyfriend for involving me on this trip... Haven’t had so much fun in ages...

Denise's Movie Reviews

2010-07-29T10:15:00.003+08:00

Inception
It has been some time since I spent so many brain cells on a movie. Nonetheless, any movie that can make you think so much is a movie worth watching. But I guess I had better warned you before you enter the cinema expecting this to be some feel good chick flick or perhaps some feel good messiah style Matrix movie.

This is not a feel good movie!! In fact, you might feel a little unnerved from watching it. Nonetheless, as I have mentioned earlier, it would make you think. And in a world where everything moves in predictable fashions, it is good to be shocked and surprised once in a while. (Which is probably why Lady Gaga sells – another topic for another day).

Surreal. Yes, the best word to describe a movie about dreams – surreal. At some points of the movie, you will find yourself pondering if the lead (Leonardo) is in a dream or in reality. Even his reality holds some dream like qualities. Nonetheless, this is the theme that carries through in the entire movie.

Finally a script that is so brilliant that it keeps you lifted off the ground, in some state of confusion and anxiety. This of course has the effect of keeping you at the edge of your seat and keeping your mind working at all times. A tactic that is, if I might add, absolutely intelligent. (Just a minor side track, perhaps, this may be why a certain level of confusion and anxiety is healthy in any given relationship – Some food for thought.)

Definitely the best movie I have watched this year. It was almost as unnerving as ‘Dr. Parnassus Imaginarium ‘but intelligent enough to sedate all uneasy feeling by directing all the energy to your brain to figure out exactly what is going on.

Of course, I would not even endeavour to compare it with ‘Eclipse’ which belongs in a totally different class of movies.

Watch inception and have a fresh understanding of what creativity actually means.

The sorcerer’s apprentice
Definitely a feel good movie – the sort of film you would take your date for on your first date. Good, healthy, feel good, happy movie. But I guess, just calling it a feel good movie does not quite do it justice does it?

At some levels this movie really spoke to me in a far more matured and intelligent way. I guess it speaks to the ‘loser’ in all of us. How the hero of the film was the classic ‘loser’ with no real talents besides being unnaturally great passion for Physics. How this hero eventually realises that he was ‘the one’ and how he got the girl of his dreams.

Besides all that, it is also safe to say that the movie has a really hearty sense of humour that will keep you laughing till the end of the film. Definitely a good movie to lift your spirits after a hard day of work/school.

Despicable Me
Officially my favourite animated film of all time... After Ice age... and maybe Shrek... Ok, I have too many favourites. The thing is, this movie really exceeded all my expectations. It is clever, witty, humorous and so bloody enjoyable.

It is a movie for both children and adults and... all those in between...

In fact, it is nearly impossible for you to not enjoy the movie... unless of course, you are the rare few born without a sense of humour.

This is a must watch!!

PS. Watch out for the minions – they are SOOOOO cute!!!

Corrupt speech

2010-07-15T14:24:00.003+08:00

I have been blessed with a cubicle that is comfortable and reasonably large. It gives me the privacy and security I need to work well. Also, it gives me sufficient ‘wall’ space to pin up my favorite bible verses.

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Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
But that which is good to the use of edifying
That it may minister grace unto the hearers.
(Ephesians 4:29)

Whenever I am tempted to complain, or to speak harshly to my colleagues, I just have to look at this verse. It says very clearly that words that should proceed out of our mouths should only be for the use of:

1) Edifying – instruct or benefit
2) Minister grace

Nowhere in this verse does it say, use your words to:

1) Point out the flaws of others
2) Complain
3) Speak maliciously about others
4) Make jokes about others

Well, I am not perfect. And I do complain sometimes. But at least now I know that these are my moments of infirmities. God does not condemn me for these infirmities. I am only human and humans are imperfect.

However, God would really rather prefer that I not complain and become fault finding and narrow minded but rather, gracious, thankful and helpful.

Give thought to your ways

2010-07-15T14:07:00.003+08:00

A wicked man puts up a bold front,
But an upright man gives thought to his ways.
(Proverbs 21:29)

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I often reflect on this verse when I am being confronted with opposition. I admit that I am a rather proud person, and most of the time, I do feel that I am right. However, before doing or saying anything that I might regret later, I'ld rather take some time to think about the following possibilities:

"What if I am really wrong? What if neither of us are wrong? What if we are both right? Should I fight this out? Or is it better to just walk away?"

NO ONE is always right. Spend some time considering that you might be wrong. Perhaps, that would be your judgement alot better. And more importantly, it is the mark of humility, to always think in the shoes of the other party - Even if he happens to be your opposition. His actions might be wrong; they might be hurtful, but you must consider the possibility that these hurtful actions are a result of some deeply rooted misconceptions. Always attempt to dig deeper. See beyond the surface.

Thanks God!!

2010-06-24T08:41:00.003+08:00

Received quite a pleasant surprise yesterday...I don't understand how it actually happened but when I went back, people were so much nicer to me. It's like, they actually appreciate my presence... But I didn't do anything for them the past two months!!!

Perhaps, in my absence, they have forgotten what a pain in the neck I could be... Always complaining, always crying, always ordering them around, always unable to tolerate kicks but still kicking people hard... Really quite a nuisance...

Well, whatever happened, I am truly grateful... Perhaps God really did work his magic... When I rested, he worked.. =)

Thanks God!! Really... I do not deserve any of this... Thanks for making me feel accepted and part of the team...

Heartache

2010-06-23T08:08:00.002+08:00

After 9 hours of cold-medicine induced deep sleep, I woke up this morning feel logical enough to examine myself as a medical subject... More than an emotional, feeling precious child of God... And that gave me perspective...

Travelled the 2 hours of work feeling a pulsating pain on my chest - heart ache... This must be a heartache. Though I do not remember the exact cause of it - one more advantage of having hypothyroidism... slight loss of memory.. Helps me forget unhappy things.. But as it appears.. What the mind forgets, the heart remembers...

But quoting the wise words of my uncle (whom I hardly get the chance to meet more than once a year) - what's meant to be yours will be yours.. It is a very natural thing.. There is absolutely no need to force or press forward to get it... Just relax...

AND LET GOD DO HIS MAGIC (added by me)

The two painful Hs - Hunger & Heart aches

2010-06-22T20:11:00.007+08:00

I am trying to lose weight for the upcoming tournament... And also just to look better in general... Seems like my self control has allowed me to ignore my hunger pangs... I can even convince myself to forget the taste of food and ignore my desire for it completely... But my stomach keeps growling... It's embarassing really, especially when you are on the train (kinda sounds like flatulence)... It is like the rest of my body is fine... But my stomach is the only honest part of me... Crying out for attention...

Then I tell myself - how can l lose weight without experiencing hunger?

It is ironic how similar this experience is... To the torment I put myself through everytime I fall in love... As I have insufficient confidence... I keep feeling that my love for the boy is a burden that I should never allow anyone to bear... It is an embarassment for him.... And thus, as a favour to the one I love, I distant myself, convince myself that I am not in love... And continue existing... The rest of me is perfectly fine with it... But my heart is aching so badly...

How can I lose weight without feeling hunger? How can I fall in love without having heart aches?

Philippians 1:29

2010-06-11T09:15:00.003+08:00

Mark 9:23

Jesus said unto him,
If thou canst believe,
all things are possible to him that believeth.

Psalm 37:16

A little that a righteous man hath
is better than the riches of many wicked.

Philippians 1:29

For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ,
not only to believe on him,
but also to suffer for his sake;

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Christians... Stars, spots of light in a field of darkness... Small representatitves of Christ given to this world... Sometimes, in order to make an impact in whatever organisation God has sent us to be in, we must suffer quite abit of pain, humiliation and distress...

But fear not, God is always with us... To provide us with whatever strength, compassion and wisdom we need to overcome our difficulties... Don't give up... Stay put.. Give God a chance to work...

2 Corinthians 12:9

2010-06-11T08:27:00.003+08:00

1 John 5:4

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world:
and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.

Matthew 21:22

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer,
believing, ye shall receive.

1 Corinthians 1:10

Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no division among you;but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgement.

Jeremiah 32:17

Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth
by thy great power and stretched out arm,
and there is nothing too hard for thee.

2 Corinthians 12:9

And he said unto me,
My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,
that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

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I love 2 Corinthians 12:9. Dear Lord,I am full of infirmities... Use these infirmities as windows for your strength to be perfected... You can have all of me... If my entire existance is nothing but a big mistake, use it to perfect your strength in a big way...

The person I respect

2010-05-27T11:01:00.002+08:00

The person I respect will be:

1)God-fearing
2)Humble
3)Genuine
4)Kind
5)Hardworking
6)Confident
7)Determined
8)Brave
9)Considerate
10)Peace-loving

I want to become that kind of person =D

Treasure life

2010-05-22T22:44:00.004+08:00

Today, a child a looked at me in the eye and told me that I was a kind person... I knew that she was not lying... I felt so happy... For the first time since the Koreans left, I have been praised (possibly undeservingly)... but nonetheless, I felt loved and valued... and appreciated...

Thanks!! =)

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What are medals worth? Absolutely nothing... It is the training, determination, character and physical growth that led to the medal that means something... but even then, I would easily trade all those things if everyone could just be safe and sound...

Life is fragile... I know that.. I don't a mishap to remind me of that fact... Accidents occur all the time... They are not avoidable... We cannot stop them from happening but we can learn to take them as unavoidable matters of life that need to be managed better...

Stop wasting time wondering why bad things happen to you... Instead, jump right into thinking of feasible solutions...

In the meantime, treasure your life and the life of all those around you... You never know when you will lose someone you treasure... Live everyday with relish, savouring each day with your loved ones as if they will be gone the next... And when finally that day comes, you won't be filled with regret...

$$$

2010-05-19T14:43:00.007+08:00

I started my work as a teacher in a secondary school at the end of July 2009.

Upon receiving my first pay, I went on a shopping spree - my attempt to realise all my childhood fantasies of being able to enter a shop and purchase the most expensive piece of clothing, bag, shoes... I was able to afford good food, good clothes, expensive buffet treats...

This went on for a couple of months... After which, I came out of my teaching job tired, stressed, materialistic and broken... I realised that all those material possessions no longer meant much to me...

Three months on... I was forced to take up tuition assignments and tele-marketing jobs to support my training at the national squad... As I was training every evening, I was unable to take on full time jobs... (the training normally left me exhausted and sleepy and I was unable to perform optimally in full time jobs)... My degree was rendered completely useless and I was forced to take up low-skilled low payed job assignments...

Looking back, something strikes me really significantly... If I had lived more frugally in my five months as a teacher, I would have saved enough money to allow me to train for a possible additional 3 months without worry...

As such, I was forced to cast aside my dream to get a proper job.

Looking back, I would have traded all those shoes, bags and clothing for an additional three extra months to live my dream...

Money can buy things... That's true... But for me, money is so much more powerful than that. Money can buy time... time to live my dream...

Though it is too late to turn back time, I have decided to live frugally from now on...

Money might not be able to buy you happiness.. But it provides a form of security and a shield from helplessness... What do people do when they are helpless? They give up their dreams...

2010-05-11T14:52:00.001+08:00

Yahoo news - School principal in probe for 'abuse of position'

Fighting the current

2010-05-07T08:26:00.001+08:00

How difficult it is to prevent myself from being converted into a person that I dislike. It seems like being judgemental, evil, mean and vindictive is easy; While being positive, kind and endearing is so difficult. It is very much like rowing against the current - immensely draining. Once you stop rowing, you are swept away in the opposite direction. If you don't catch yourself on time, you are lost.

Perhaps that's the mark of a christian. To insist on doing what is difficult and humanly impossible. Depending on God for the strength and wisdom to do the impossible.

Just keep rowing...

Forgive yourself day

2010-05-05T12:06:00.004+08:00

Today is the 5th of May 2010... 5/5/10... Grace Grace!!

Seems like a perfect day to forgive someone... I have considered a list of possible candidates... and decided that I am on the top of the list!! I must forgive MYSELF first... I have been too harsh and demanding on myself... Nobody is perfect... I am sure I have plenty of bad points... But I have good points too!!

5 May - Forgive yourself day

Where's the soul?

2010-05-04T08:35:00.003+08:00

Taken from today's Today (Voices - letter from Raymond Lo)

Where's the soul? - Elderly man robbed while in distress

In his May Day message, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong called on Singaporeans to work together to sustain growth.

I would say it is equally important that Singapores must have a soul in them.

My life-threatening experience on Feb 21 showed otherwise, alas. Not only was I - as a 71-year old taxi driver - ignored by passers-by when I lay on the grass verge at Ang Mo Kio Avenue 10 for about half an hour. I was also robbed of my night's driving income in my distress.

I was subsequently hospitalised three days for a suspected heart attack.

Such uncaring and unconcerned attitudes must change, and fast, so Singapore can be known as a caring society.

We must start a culture of caring for people from a very young age, reinforce this value at pre-school age, and continue through tertiary education.

If we acquire a caring culture, our future will be secure.

Surprise surprise

2010-05-04T08:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I surprise myself...

It is not difficult to slip... I might be a disciplined person (as I would like to believe) but there are somethings I just cannot control namely - my mouth...

While I am trying to be grateful and caring, kind and considerate, I actually find myself bitching and complaining once more...

Good thing is, instead of feeling more victimised and hurt... I actually felt guilty... Time to snap out of it and focus on the right things... Giving thanks... Being kind to all and doing my job well =)

Lies

2010-04-30T23:31:00.005+08:00

When people are too honest and genuine, life gets painful. Society becomes our mirror and we are forced to confront the truth all day long. It is okay if the truth is positive. In fact, if you are beautiful, smart and successful, you would love to swim about in truthful praises all day long.

However, if you are fat, old and ugly, would it not be immensely cruel to be confronted with by the truth all day long. Society becomes your mirror reflecting every bit of your microscopic details. Your strengths are enlarged. So are your flaws. Brutal honesty results in extremely high standards in society. Some of these standards are virtually unattainable. As a result, it brews feelings of helplessness in people which eventually lead to depression and suicide.

While it is callous to be brutally honest, one must not swing to the other extreme and become overly polite and tactful. When courtesy becomes too regimental and politically-correct, it loses it charm. It becomes artificial and cheap. What good are praises if they are repeated to everyone like a tape recorder? Life becomes predictable. People speak to each other as if they are reading off an invisible script.

Perhaps an ideal society would consist of a good mix of courtesy and honesty. Though we must be courteous and gracious at all times, we must always bear in mind the basic purpose of human communication; To convey a truthful message. If everything you say are lies, why do you bother to speak at all?

But who am I kidding? There is no such thing as a perfect society. I will start by correcting ME.

Youth (from within)

2010-04-20T21:22:00.005+08:00

Appearances are not everything...

But if it makes you feel good and confident about yourself... And liberates you to be a better person... Just do it... Don't condemn others who are appearance-conscious... Just let them be...

Be free to do what you want to improve your looks... Just don't inflict any permanent damage... Remember that you are God's creation and he thinks you are perfect just the way he made you...

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Met a lady at the office today... She is the cleaning lady.. When asked to guess her age, I was certain that she did not look a day over 45... To be kind, I said 40... Guess what? She was in fact 61 years old!!!

I asked her for her secret of youth.. (and she looked really young, strong and slim)... She said, "I am just happy and carefree. That's what makes me young. I do line dancing and ballroom dancing, all sorts of dancing to keep fit." And when she said that, she smiled... As she smiled, she looked even more beautiful...

I guess it is safe to hypothesize that the secret of beauty and youth isn't really in plastic surgery, healthy eating or exercising... Though these things do help... The change must come from within.. Be happy and carefree.. Don't allow stress to cause you to age prematurely...

I have seen 40 year olds that look 60... and 60 year olds that look 40... I myself look 30 when I am stressed...

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I endeavor to be relaxed and thankful (grateful) always... Jesus has left us with his peace... I receive it.. =)

Resolutions

2010-04-20T08:20:00.003+08:00

Resolutions for the rest of the year:

1)Read the Newspapers daily (Improve my english)
2)Physical exercise (as often as possible)
3)Healthier diet (Brown rice, lots of water, a variety of fruits and vegetables)
4)Earn and save lots of money
5)Attend church every Sunday
6)Join a cell group
7)Meet up with friends at least once a week
8)Contribute to the family - housework, at least $200 a month
9)Pick up korean language
10)Visit Korean friends in December

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First entry from work

2010-04-19T13:13:00.003+08:00

Lunch time... 6th day at work... commencing my second week...

I have to say with absolute honesty that this job is great. Encourages me to think. In fact, this job involves so much thinking, its supported by my creative juices. Quite impressive actually. It offers so many opportunites for self-learning, research and reading. I feel so ENRICHED. Even though it has only been a week.. =)

It is very different from sitting at home. The office has everything I need. It is so conducive for learning!
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Trying to develop a thankful spirit... Implementing this new practice:

When saying grace (before each meal)- Think of one person to thank God for...

I have been doing this for the past week... And guess what? I am alot happier! Nothing's change... It's just that I have allowed myself to focus on the good side of life...

Perhaps the half-empty mindset has really poisoned my mind... It's time to swap it with a half-full mindset...

A thankful spirit ^^

The best teacher in the world

2010-04-04T20:27:00.003+08:00

Have you ever considered that if God was a man... He would be the best in which ever profession he chose to be...

If he chooses to be a fighter, he would probably knock everyone out... If he was an actor, he would be the most handsome actor... If he was a singer, he would have the most beautiful voice... If he was a teacher, he would be able to teach the best lessons in the gentlest ways.. without hurting or humiliating his students...

God is the best teacher in the world...

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One month has passed since I gave my life to God... And he taught me so much... How?

By magically introducing two persons into my life... Both of which possessed half of my flaws... What I am trying to say is that... I have been living with so many character flaws all these years... but I have been totally unaware of these flaws because I am such a unique character that very little people possess my 'qualities'... It was thus impossible for me to watch and learn and improve... without having such people who mirror me...

But in just one month... God gave me two mirrors:

Person A - The perfectionist - unable to handle stress and responsibility... she turns into a mad dictator under stress... So concerned with completing the task at hand, she totally ignores the fact that humans have emotions too.. In fact, her heart is so tightly bounded (trying to protect herself from disappointment) that she is so void of human emotion and compassion... she has become insensitive and inhumane... Her kindness is reserved only for a select few - her family members... She has ceased to trust everyone else... She is fault-finding, vindictive and very very stingy...

Person B - Young, arrogant, low self-esteem... High tendency to hero-worship... Uses arrogance to mask her low self-esteem... Always offering advise to people she hardly knows... Even to people older and more experienced than her... thinking that she knows everything because of all the hardship she has been through... She is totally oblivious to the fact that suffering is present in everyone's life.. Not only her own... And people are wiser than she imagines... She talks down to everyone.. Throwing 'wise sounding' advise whenever given an opportunity... Not knowing that it is actually rude to advise a senior on such sensitive matters of the heart... She jumps at every opportunity to help people... but end up irritating them instead...

She forgets that when trying to treat the broken hearts of others, extreme sensitivity and patience is required... She simplifies everything and throws out text book suggestions... Thus hurting the people she wants to help more... She tends to be attention seeking and unconcern of other people's impression of her... In her mind, she thinks "If they are so mean and vindictive, they are not worthy friends anyway." She forgets that good people take many forms... And some good people may have pet peeves.. and one of the pet peeves might include childishness... So, if you have that kind of mindset, you have just forsaken that large chunk of nice people...

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It is amazing... How I was so severely irritated with these two persons... I found myself at the edge of murdering them... I complained about them to my poor mummy whenever I got the opportunity... All until one fine day... It dawned upon me... I AM JUST LIKE THEM... AHHHH!!!!!!!

So, all this while I have been such a unlikeable character and no one told me!! Wait a minute, they did try to tell me, I just wasn't listening!

Now that I know how irritating I can be, I feel so grateful to all my training mates and friends who were able to love me despite all my craziness... And more importantly, I am so humbled... I know that I have no right to be angry with all the things I was angry with them for.. Because all these while, they have been tolerating my nonsense...

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These days, I have become more careful with what I say... I try to catch my mean, sarcastic hurtful remarks before they leave my mouth... But I must say, I am still quite new with it... Sometimes the words leave my mouth and I find myself regretting it.. But at least now I am aware of the damage I have caused... In the past, I am totally oblivious and I get surprised when people start treating me badly...

Hello, who can I blame when people treat me badly after I have hurt them so much?!?

Wake up call...

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Advise to the persons A and B in me:

Person A - Needs to love people more... Learn to be more generous and less sensitive... People are not talking bad about you... Have a better opinion of yourself... This will develop into a better opinion of others... Be more focused on people... Do not be so task orientated... Must prioritize the feelings of others at all times... And most importantly, RELAX... when you are stressed out, you become a monster, really fierce, emotionless and UGLY...

Person B - Advise is a dangerous gift... Give it only when people ask for your opinion.. And even then, do it very tactfully and carefully... Offering advise has the effect of elevating yourself and demeaning others.. (if it is done badly)... Thus, if you are generally not good with your words, do not offer advise.. you are ruining relationships...

There are other ways of building relationships.. Talk about inconsequential things (like music, movies)... And when you are really close, you can start talking about more sensitive things... Either way, do not be too keen to help.. People do not like to be disturbed.. Learn to respect their personal space... Do not SMS or email them too frequently, you will make them obliged to respond out of courtesy... They will become so tired and thus, dislike you even more...

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Good thing is.. though Person A and Person B are completely different people and I do find them irritating at times, I cannot deny the fact that their irritating characteristics are derivatives of a heart of love... They love too much... And that has transformed them to what they have become... So despite my initial irritation with them, I find myself more and more determined to love them...

I am immensely irritated.... and at the same time, I am touched... And at the same time, I am challenged... I must say, such people are rare... And just a few days with them, you learn so much... not about yourself, but about humans on a whole... About how great we really are...

Both persons A and B have circles of friends who are deeply in love with them... Who are able to put up with their atypical behaviors... Why do they do that? Because of love...

I respect humans so much more now...

I am back

2010-04-04T19:56:00.004+08:00

During my month long fast from taekwondo... I had a dream... I dreamed that I was back in the squad and people were much nicer to me...

My dream came true!! I am back... and the kids are much nicer to me... Even Mam is nicer to me... I feel this overwhelming sense of peace... Like everything is exactly where it should be...

The kids are a lot kinder to me... At least they no longer make an effort to irritate me... They either leave me alone or talk to me politely... Mam's and Mr Lim's efforts to maintain discipline in the squad has worked... I feel much more at ease now... No longer on my toes waiting to be offended... I like it... I can now train without any emotional or mental stress... The squad has become a haven...

The bad news is.... It is unlikely that I will be fighting any international tournament anytime soon... In fact, after I start work in about a week's time... I will probably only be able to train once or twice a week...

Nonetheless, I have already fought so many tournaments... I am glad that I took a month's break to sort myself out... It is food my soul needs so much more than yet another exhausting tournament...

It's surprising how rest can change my perspective completely... I no longer feel so tired and drained... I no longer feel so obligated to look after and worse to DISCIPLINE the juniors...

I am just down to train... And when necessary, help to sweep the floor, clear the rubbish... No need to make so much effort (spend so much money) to plan birthday celebrations, make up a duty roster... Which is good... Doing all these things only gave me an opportunity to reveal my imperfections... I couldn't plan the perfect birthday parties and chart out the perfect rosters... People were upset with me... And worse still... I got so drained and out of shape and out of cash that it really irritated me when people were upset with me... A recipe for disaster...

Now that I am no longer responsible for all these things, there are no longer any platforms for the children to hate me... Which is good... I have learned to keep still and let God work...

Now I am a lot more relaxed... =)

Not forgetting that I have learned a very important lesson:

God can work even if I do nothing.. I don't have to be so eager to contribute... Sometimes I make a mess out of everything in my attempts to help... You know how insensitive and compassionate I can be at times... When I am given responsibility, all that insensitivity is put into action and I always end up dictating people, hurting feelings and making people (who are otherwise so determined to like me), hate me...

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I am not a savior... In fact, I am so out of shape, I need someone to save me!! I am no longer going to pretend to be that emotionless, sturdy and hard character...

I am going to be honest with myself and all of you... I am in no position to help you... I am here because I want to train... I love taekwondo... I love all of you too.. But the best thing I can do for you is to be relaxed and happy... NOT to run around, get all flustered, pale, malnourished and ugly... doing things that you all really do not need me to do...

I will focus on one thing - RELAX...

Martha and Mary

2010-03-30T15:33:00.005+08:00

At the Home of Martha and Mary

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-41

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How often to we find ourselves talking in a condescending way to our elders... Some of us.. even before we eat, we bark commands like... MUMMY eat!! PAPA eat!! Under the pretense of courtesy... though seriously, they sound more like commands...

So it is that we have grown into such a generation... A generation where the young are condescending towards the old... Most of the time, all we have to do is bark a command... and out of love, our seniors and elders run to accomplish our commands... We believe we deserve all the good they have done for us.. and we act like it is our right...

A junior once said this to me,"I thought I have already told you to shut up just now? Why are you still talking? Can you stop irritating her?"

I am not condemning anyone here... I am guilty of that too... The point is... Is it any wonder that that is the exact same way we try to communicate with God? We find ourselves praying things like:

Dear Lord,

Please make me strong, successful, rich and happy...
I have prayed this prayer a dozen times...
Why have you not answered me?
Do you love me at all?
Do you even care?

--------------------------------------------------------

We have transplanted our attitudes towards our seniors into our attitude when talking to our Lord... And it is a wrong attitude... It is.. Because God is so much bigger and wiser than all we know... Why in the world are we commanding him and instructing him? It is weird...

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I just learned this yesterday...

I was stomping around the house screaming and shouting and feeling stressed about the job interview today... There was a problem with my Netbook and I could not assess microsoft word to get to the job application form I needed to produce the next day... To top that up, I had just received a reminder from CPF to pay up my thousand dollar debt to my dad's CPF account (for my educational funds)... that pressured me to get a job... QUICK... I felt so helpless and irritated... Thus I was shouting and screaming about the house...

To my surprise.. My pet dog Loki followed me around the house... As I ran through piles of paper looking for my transcript, screaming and complaining all that time... He was so kind and docile... not the least afraid of me... I was surprised and touched... Unconditional love... To stick with me despite the fact that I was behaving like a monster...

To my even greater surprise.. my mother who was working in the living room... did not scream at me and ask me to shut up...

You know, normally I would expect her to say things like:

"Can you please keep quiet, I need to work here... Papa needs to sleep... You are so last minute, you should have done this many nights ago..."

That would normally irritate the guts out of me.. because it does not help... but today she said:

"Come use my laptop... Send your document over, we will use my laptop to fill up the form and send it back to yours to print. Don't have to be nervous... It's just a job interview... I used to be as nervous as you too... But I am over with that phase... You got more than enough time... You will be fine..."

Wow.. I was so amazed... it was the first time in my life that I felt loved by my mum... And it was simply because I knew that I totally did not deserve her help.. I deserved to be flustered and helpless because of my bad time management.. No one ought to bail me out of it... I deserve the misery.. And yet, she wanted to help me... And more importantly, she denied her impulse of saying.. "I told you so."

That totally sealed the deal... I went to bed with new found respect for my mother and thus, new found respect for God... If my mummy can love me so much and see how helpless and needy I was despite all my yelling... how much more can God?

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I woke up this morning wanting to be a better person...

2010-03-30T11:39:00.002+08:00

And because I am so sinful,
And God still loves me...
I truly believe now,
That God is great...

If in my state of sin,
God still loved me so much...
To keep throwing blessings at me...
How much more now,
that I am aware of his greatness...

I have a confident expectation of good in my life...
I have a good opinion of all of you,
I hated all of you...
But I found out that I was one of you...
Now, I love all of you as I love myself...

Even if you should display bad behavior,
I will have a tender heart towards you...
Because I myself am equally guilty of such behavior...
It's not a result of evil within me...
But of frustration and confusion...
Inability to reach for God's love...

I am so happy that I have unlearned the bad lessons
I have picked up over the last 3 years..
In just one month..
Imagine how much more time is required...
To melt the hearts of adults that have been under condemnation
All their lives...

Be patient...

2010-03-30T11:15:00.004+08:00

This morning I woke up and the first thought I developed was:

"This girl is so irritating. She is so childish and attention seeking. Why don't she just grow up?"

I surprised myself... I have become the very person I hate.. Mean, judgmental, fault-finding, self-righteous, negative, pessimistic... Jumping at every opportunity to form a bad opinion of someone and thus alienate that person... I have become a monster...

---------------------------------------

I talk to myself alot... I looked at the mirror and prepared for the job interview... Just then, a negative thought came to mind and I started complaining.. And when I saw my image on the mirror I was shocked... Have never seen myself look so ugly before... Even when I had more pimples, had a bad hair day... I never looked that bad...

Just then, I started to understand:

A thankful heart is a necessary component of beauty... No one looks good complaining... On the contrary, it drowns all other beauty... Buries it...

Then it dawned upon me that I have become such an unfriendly person as I do all day is complain and find-fault... Even my thoughts are so evil...

--------------------------------------------

These two experiences really humbled me... God is great... Despite the fact that I now resemble the world.... (and am probably the worse of the lot)... He still loves me...

Denise, it is now that you have learned that you are as sinful as all the rest you despise that you are able to love them... as you do yourself... Your heart was hardened and encrusted by this thick layer of hate you used to defend yourself from the harshness of the world... It has made you ugly... Remove this hatred and anger within you... Let your heart breath once more... Do not be like Martha... Desperately trying to be in control of all things.. Let go, and trust me...

--------------------------------------------

I am like that... If Jesus comes to my house now, there is a high chance I will pack up the room, prepare a great meal and endeavor to be the best host I can be... i might even treat him like a child... hoping to look after him to the best of my ability... But now that I look at it... it is all a result of pride.. I wanted to serve others to prove that I am capable... I wanted to look like a good host to preserve my pride... But this is not what Jesus needs... He is here to save... not to be saved by me... I don't have to look after him... He is here to fix my life...

So dear Lord, take it... i no longer want to struggle so hard to fix it... And I know now that I am totally unworthy... I am a judgmental, vindictive and proud bitch... the type of person I hate most, I have become... But you still love, nonetheless...

I am speechless...

2010-03-13T13:18:00.002+08:00

Heard this from CSI some time back...

Men shoot themselves in the head,
Ladies shoot themselves in the heart...

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cause of suicide?

Men think too much... Ladies feel too much...

Stop ruminanting on your problems... Trust God... Be at rest always...

Peace

A Powerful Love

2010-03-13T00:07:00.005+08:00

All the quotes you read that are not labeled are not from the bible... They are from worldly sources... And yet.. you can still find a resemblance of wisdom... We are indeed made in the image of God... Every cell will long for this wisdom... Awesome isn't it?

I am so sorry but I will need to source out the exact chapter and verses to complete some of the biblical quotes... Let's pray that God will still be able to work through my infirmity and bless you with this entry...

===============================================

You do not know how love will affect you before you fall in love.

And therefore we love before God first loved us. (from the bible)

A diamond is a chunk of coal made good under pressure.

And suffering produces perseverance.... (from the bible)

Be tough-minded but tenderhearted.

Kindness is loving people more than they deserve

Ultimate love and kindness was displayed for us on the cross where Jesus laid down his life for us... WHO DO NOT AT ALL DESERVE IT...

Someone once asked me ... How do you know if someone really loves you?

Well, you will know that when she insists on blessing you and loving you despite your sins... and sometimes, that results in lots of suffering on her part... she will have to endure the ridicule and humiliation of the world... It will be hard for her to love you.. but if she perseveres to see the good in you despite your actions and her sacrifices... And is determined to keep his/her good opinion of you even if it seems illogical... It is at these moments... That you know, that the love is true...

We should all endeavor to love each other with the same kind of love Jesus loved us with... Unconditional, unearned and undeserved... Only when you know that you are loved with this unconditional love, will you be certain that there is nothing you can do that will forfeit you of that love... Only when you know that, will you be able to shine...

Contrary to popular belief, you will not start rebelling.. Especially when you know that that person's health and happiness is placed on the line for you.. because he/she loves you so much... Instead of misbehaving under the cover of unconditional love... You will be touched... You will be changed...

Love is so powerful... but not the world's love... illustrated by mushy soap operas with kisses and 'I love you's... God's love - Jesus... is the real love.... And that love transforms you to the best you can be... Over and above all you have imagined...

PS.Love is an action not an emotion... Actions without emotion is still love... But emotion without action is no longer love...

More love quotes

2010-03-11T22:45:00.002+08:00

You may only be one person to the world,
but you may be the world to one person.
(Author unknown)

To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible God.
(Jorge Luis Borges)

Love rules without rules
(Italian Proverb)

If you love someone, let them go.
If they return to you, it was meant to be.
If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with.
(Author unknown)

Psalm 55:22

2010-03-10T16:49:00.002+08:00

Cast thy burden upon the Lord,
and he will sustain thee.
He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.
(Psalm 55:22)

Have been meditating on this verse for the past three days... Was considering the last line...

He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.

The righteous in the bible... Included Joseph, David, Moses... even Paul... All these righteous men of God moved... Physically they were moved by God to go places.. Joseph was moved from his home, sold as a slave and eventually sent to prison... Moses was commanded to go back to Egypt to free the Israelis.. David, the great king, had to hide in caves... When Saul wanted his life.. (By the way, David wrote these lines) All these people were moved physically... So what does this Psalm really mean...

I believe what God meant was.. He will never suffer the righteous be moved from shalom peace... It does not matter where you are physically... what social strata you inhabit... Where you work... the shalom peace and completeness will always be with you... Where ever you are...

The most beautiful part about this is the finality in the word NEVER.. God will NEVER suffer the righteous be moved... It means that there is 0% possibility that that peace will be removed from you... That sounds like mighty good news doesn't it? Praise the Lord...

But then, another important question pops into mind... How do we qualify as God's righteous? How many hours of church and community involvement program must we participate in before we can call ourselves the righteousness of God...

Good news is... It is not by works.. but by grace that we are saved.. We are called the righteousness of God in Christ... It is Jesus's death on the cross and his blood that washes our sins away that has given us the identity of the righteousness of God... Nothing we can do can earn us this identity... And better still... Nothing we can do can cause us to lose this identity...

So, be glad.. Embrace this peace.. this unmovable shalom peace..

PS. Shalom denotes prosperity and completeness in all areas be it your relationships, financial situation, mental peace. That is our God for you.. perfect in supplying you with all your needs and wants...

Ruminants

2010-03-10T16:34:00.002+08:00

I realized today, that I have the tendency to ruminate about the knitty gritty bad points of the people I wish to forget... Most of the time, these are people I really love or admire a lot... But I am still able to identify a couple of bad points and ruminate about them all day... It's my ego's defensive mechanism... Instead of admitting to myself:

This person is a great person... It is just not fated...

I try to convince myself that he/she is no good for me anyway... Such a coward... Which brings to mind the following point..

It is normally to develop illogical or even irrational thoughts.. Pray that God blesses you with the wisdom to reject these thoughts... and understand that they are merely a result of your imagination... Never totally buy into them... And don't allow them to escalate... Causing you to paint a minor bad point into a major character flaw... That poor person really doesn't deserve it...

Voice in my head

2010-03-08T23:05:00.003+08:00

Have to blog through my iPhone since my netbook's Internet connection is under maintenance...

Been meditating on this verse from the bible:

Cast thy burden unto the Lord,
and he will sustain thee.
He will not suffer the righteous be moved.

------------------------------

What happened to me is quite embarassing to mention.... It's not respectable being bullied by people so much younger than you. I have to say it but I was really affected... As hard I tried to hide it... Now that i am slowly embracing the repressed feelings... I am getting short series of outbursts... Feeling condemned by their voices in my head...

When I apply my make up in the morning, I hear his voice saying "aiyo, like monster, foundation so thick, lips so red... Even young kids can apply make up better than her."

When I extended my hair, I heard him say "So ugly still so
vain... Old woman... Think she so pretty... Act chio.. Actually cannot make it."

When I speak to myself, I picture him waving at his reflection in the mirror and acting crazy... And I feel like I am really crazy...

-----------------------------------

I might be sensitive... But trust me, any human being, being under such condemnation for so many months... This
will definitely happen... He has become the voice in my head... Killing my confidence and
self esteem... It's been 12 days since I have left the squad and his voice is still
in my head..

------------------------------------
Dear Lord,

I am the righteousness of God in Christ,
no one can take that away from me.
This identity.
Please remove his voice of condemnation,
and replace it with your voice of grace.
I commit everything into your hands Lord.

In Jesus's name,
Amen

Alice in wonderland

2010-03-04T15:22:00.003+08:00

I would give it 3.5 out of 5 stars.

It brought me to the edge of uneasiness... And almost succeeded in throwing me off guard... But it failed to cast a spell on me... One word describes it best... ALMOST... But failed... It failed to enchant and disturb me like "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"...

Pretty good character development.. But not enough.. the mad hater ALMOST charmed me... But unlike past characters of Johney Depp, the mad hater lacked the spark.. But one thing was beautiful... The hater's vulnerability... Loved it...

This movie is confused... It isn't as morbid and gothic like other Tim Burton movies.. And at the same time, it is not as beautiful and fantastic as other fantasy films like Lord of the Rings... It is a confused cross of fantasy and goth... It could have chose a side and pushed me over the edge easily.. But as it is... it is an almost... Respectable but not fantastic...

Not forgetting my favourite quote:

"Have I gone around the bend? Am I crazy?"

Touches forehead.

"I am afraid you have gone absolutely bonkers. But I can tell you a secret... All great people are."

I am Starving

2010-03-01T14:16:00.004+08:00

I admit that I am a bad dog owner and that I have neglected Loki... been too busy surviving... With a tight schedule of working and training... I never had the time to tend to the needs of my Loki... All I did was hug and play with him for five minutes a day...

Wanted to feed him today... Made some chicken.. It was delicious... Wanted to share part of it with him... So I carefully shredded the chicken to small bite size bits and placed it into his bowl... I brought the bowl to him and lured him to the kitchen... But he refused to eat it... He just sat in front of the bowl...

Then I realized that it is because he wasn't used to me feeding him... I took a small piece of meat from the bowl and placed it in his mouth... His expression totally changed.. he loved it... He quickly proceeded to gobbling up what was in his bowl...

Perhaps we are all like Loki... after not feeding on God's word for awhile... We forget how hungry we are... And how much we need it... But taste and see... for the Lord is good!! =)

God's word... Awesome!!

Upside down

2010-03-01T13:07:00.005+08:00

The righteous care about justice for the poor,
but the wicked have no such concern.
-Proverbs 29:7-

Pastor Prince once said this... That the world is confused... that we have gotten things upside down... that God intended for the day to begin in the evening and end in the next evening... But we so firmly believe that the day begins in the morning.

Consider these:

(A)Are we righteous because we care about justice for the poor?
(B)Or are we righteous because of the blood of Jesus and as a result we care about justice for the poor?

(A)Are we righteous as a result of our good deeds?
(B)Or are we helplessly drawn towards these deeds because we are righteous by the blood of Jesus?

The world sees A.... And we Christians too will begin to believe A when we spend too little time in the word of God...

The truth is B... After you are saved by the blood of Jesus, you are different... Your heart is new... You are no longer able to turn a blind ear to the cries of the poor... You will demand justice.. Every cell in you won't be at peace if you let injustice slide...

That's what happened to me... I used to be ashamed of it - My inability to conform... To just be humble enough to let the authorities of this world have their way... But who's the greatest authority of this world? Who's the prince of this world? The devil. Indeed... How can I bow down to his ways? How can I conform to this world now that I am hopelessly saved?

I am no longer ashamed... I am proud of myself... What happened was wrong.. I am proud that I was the only one with the courage to speak up. I am glad that my heart and every cell in me is so totally transformed by the blood of Jesus that injustice just cannot be tolerated anymore...

The righteous care about justice for the poor,
but the wicked have no such concern.
-Proverbs 29:7-

Evil men do not understand justice,
but those who seek the Lord understand it fully.
-Proverbs 28:5-

Faithless but saved nonetheless

2010-03-01T12:47:00.003+08:00

If my faith was great.. And I had opened my heart to the message of God, I would have left immediately... I would have such great confidence in the Lord that I wouldn't have hesitated when he called me... What is a true sign of faith?

To act immediately upon instruction... Without questioning... Because you are confident that the person who gave the instruction loves you too much to instruct you to do something that could be potentially hurtful...

But I hesitated... I gave it great thought... I rotated the option around like a gem... And went through hours after hours of introspection only to discover that I was as clueless as I was before... The answer did not lie in me... It did not lie in my wisdom... For God's plan is far greater than any man can conceive or understand...

Eventually, I just left... Not as a result of my faith... For I had no faith in a good future... I was jaded... I left because I couldn't stay...

A man's step is directed by God,
How then can he understand his own ways.

Indeed, my steps are directed by God... I am glad that God is still able to direct my steps despite my lack of faith and dedication to his word... There is a form of helplessness associated to it... But it is a good form of helplessness... Whether I am aware of it or not... But God always protects and looks after his children...

Law or Grace?

2010-03-01T12:33:00.004+08:00

Love and faithfulness keep a king safe;
through love his throne is made secure.
-Proverbs 20:28-

When love rules, power takes a backseat...
When power thrives, love recedes...
Either will stay in the shadow as the other shines...

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It is not by brute force and violence... Or by proving yourself with your capabilities that your throne is secured... it is through love and faithfulness...

As a leader, everyday you will be presented with choices... People will trespass against you... they will make mistakes and upset you... They can't help it... They are fallible humans... And you will have two choices - law (discipline) or grace (forgiveness)... of course, every situation is unique... And it is grossly inaccurate to simplify the options into purely law or grace...

But my advise is... Always try to choose grace... For grace is love... Love is God... Forgive and gently guide the person to the right path... Grace is not soft... It is kind and lovely but firm... Never speak from a position of superiority:

Eg: Why are you so stupid? Why do you make this stupid mistake? I will never make it... Your friends will never make it... What's the matter with you?

Instead, understand that you are as likely to make the same mistake... Instead of being angry.. Sympathies with him/her and guide her gently:

Eg. It is a mistake... And it will have its consequences... We cannot nullify those consequences but don't be too hard on yourself... All of us are capable of making this mistake... Mistakes are just opportunities for us to learn... So let's not waste any energy being upset about it... Let's learn from it and become wiser together.

If Jesus could forgive us of everything... Including striping, spitting on and crucifying him... Why can't we forgive our brother? Leaders must have an abundance of grace and love in them... they must have an abundance of Jesus in them... Remember that as a leader, your job is to feed God's sheep... Love them as God's inheritance to you...

Proverbs that caught my eye today

2010-03-01T12:07:00.004+08:00

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
-Proverbs 17:22-

A man's spirit sustains him in sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
-Proverbs 18:14-

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
-Proverbs 18:21-

How many of us speak so freely without thinking? And as a result, make enemies, hurt people. What is that a result of? Carelessness? Nope. It is a result of underestimating the power of the tongue...

If we only knew how powerful the tongue is. How did Jesus raise the dead? How did Paul cast out evil spirits? By the fruit of his lips... By speaking in a loud voice.. By his tongue...

As such, as Jesus is, so are we in this world.. You have the power to motivate and save people with your words... Your words can encourage and bring life to the weak... Similarly, it has also the power to condemn, demoralize and belittle people...

Do you see a man who speaks in haste?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.
-Proverbs 29:20-

Please think twice before speaking... =)

Consider this:

Even a fool kept silent is thought wise...

If you have nothing good to say... Keep quiet... It's better to keep quiet than to cause unintended destruction with rash words...

1 Corinthians 1:26-31

2010-03-01T11:49:00.005+08:00

1 Corinthians 1:26-31

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of the world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

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Spent too long away from the word of God... It's like I have fallen into a different frequency... Unable to receive the messages of God or interpret his signs and word as freely as I was able to do before... Too much introspection... Too much of me... I must remove me from my core and allow Jesus in once more... At hand, I have this beautiful verse... but I fail to interpret it..

Dear Lord,

I pray for shalom peace...
I pray that you remove me from my mind...
That all day I am preoccupied only on thinking about Jesus...
On your word...

Remove me...
So that I can focus on Jesus...
I am indeed weak, lowly and insignificant...
But Jesus is everything that's good...
As Jesus is so am I in this world...
Help me fix my eyes on Jesus...

In Jesus's name,
Amen

Hebrews 11

2010-03-01T11:26:00.003+08:00

Finally, God showed it to me today... The phrase I have been looking for...

Hebrews 11:13-16

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had the opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country - a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

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I can't describe the relief I felt... When God showed me this verse... I have always felt like an alien.. like a stranger... in the place I was in...

It is not their fault.. And it is certainly not my fault... We are different... It is impossible for people who do not understand you to love you... It is impossible for people who do not love you to bring out the best in you...

I tried my best to love them... but I could never fully mingle with them... They tried their best to love me... but they could never bring out the best in me...

-----------------------------------------------

A better place awaits... I am confident... It is day five since I have left and already see an improvement in my health.. My skin... that has been looking dull and old has begun to regain its former glow... I find myself a lot more relaxed and happy... I am also more likely to form happy and positive thoughts of people... And that makes me less reclusive and more friendly... I am more able to care for the people around me... Just five days...

I believe that in this month of rest... God will restore to me everything I lost... My health, my beauty... my confidence.... my youth... I am confident.. Because God loves me... It's not about what I eat or how much I exercise... Only one factors matters... God's love..

Status update

2010-02-28T22:03:00.004+08:00

Been swimming the past three nights... Helps me to sleep better... Also... It helps me fulfill the desire of exercising every night... To keep fit...

Difference is, I don't have to travel far... And I don't have to adhere to any regime... I am my own trainer... Get to swim as much as I want.. for as long as I want... Pause as frequently as I want... True... I do feel a bit more lonely... but who am I kidding, I was so lonely training with them anyway... No difference really...

Sometimes I feel that nothing beats going to the beach.. Or going swimming and having a bath after that... The feeling you get walking out of the shower towards your next destination... That sweet fatigue... Priceless.. =) its the kind of sensation you get... when you feel the satisfaction of exercise coupled with the refreshing sense of well being after a cold shower... Awesome...

Went to church today... Was blown away by the fantastic sermon by Pastor Prince... I enjoyed everything...Even the praise and worship felt sweet... Feel this great sense of love... And above all... A new sense of freedom... Like my new life is about to begin... And that God really loves me...

I realize now what my greatest flaw is - I keep trying to serve God... To sacrifice for his cause... I am just like Peter... So quick to spot the call of God... But too rash in responding to it... Without putting careful thought to what he really needs me to do... I fail to embrace his love for me... Instead, I keep pushing myself far beyond the limit of human emotional and physical endurance.. I became inhuman...

I think what God wants me to know today is that its okay to be weak sometimes... It's okay to relax and let him take control.... I don't have to be on top of the situation all the time... And best still I am no longer a fighter... I can embrace all my weaknesses... All my girly instincts... hahaha... manicure... here I come!!

I feel a lot better now... now that I am free to do anything I want... In the past, I would consider and refrain from doing many things so that I can have enough energy to train... In fact I took so many part time jobs and tuition assignments to support my training that I was often overtired...

Now, I own my days... I get to plan and execute whatever I want to do.. be it go to the beach... Go swimming.. Go for a jog... Go for a late night drink at a coffee shop.. Stay over at the airport talking to friends... Everything and anything is possible... Even planning a trip overseas... All these weren't possible before... I feel a new sense of control over my destiny...

Things didn't turn out as bad as I expected... At least for now.. The world seems like a better place =) Let's trust God for many more beautiful days to come...

Bye

2010-02-25T11:37:00.004+08:00

With a very blunt knife I was cutting a tomato... I used a lot of strength trying to pry through its skin... I accidentally cut myself... Lifted the whole top skin off my left thumb... There was blood... quite a lot of it...

I washed it, put pressure on it and put a bandage on it... I don't even feel the pain anymore... Just the inconvenience of the bandage...

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I left...

Please don't think any lower of me... I didn't succumb to the pressure... I didn't surrender to loneliness.. In the end, it was the challenge of God that got to me...

The challenge:
Do you believe I will still bless you... And bless you above all your expectations if you leave?

Training everyday has become your way of life... Change will be excruciating... You might not know it now... but you are injured... and it will soon become unbearable... In some nights you will start thinking that you have given up everything in life and you have nothing that matters anymore... You might be tempted to take your life on those nights... Don't.

When you finally get a stable job and encounter your first step back... When people start bitching behind your back... and their malicious intent start overflowing into their actions around you... You will find it familiar and wonder to yourself,"If people are the same everywhere, why did you forsake your dream?"... That will drive you insane... But hang in there... my promise is on its way...

When you find a human lover... And everything is nice and dreamy... And you let your guard down and remove the walls around your heart.... You will taste immense saturated happiness for awhile... And then you will experience your first quarrel... It will traumatize you... You will wonder to yourself,"If it was because of him that I left the squad, the sacrifice is too large." At that moment, you might be tempted to take your life... Don't.

At the end of your search for happiness on earth... you will come to the conclusion you knew all along... even now... that nothing on earth can ever provide you with what you really need... Jesus... and that every hardship pointed you to him...

Knowing all these things, you will begin to understand that the outcome will ultimately be startlingly similar... Whether you stayed or left...

Leave... and allow me to use you for my glory.. Don't leave in a pursuit of happiness.. You will not find it... Instead, leave and move on to the next place I need you to be in... Never forsake me... Never tear down the walls of your heart for man... In the real world, you will need every bit of strength and wisdom you learned as a fighter...

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Yes... It was this challenge that got to me... The next few months of my life will be difficult... Every night I will be tempted to go for training and beg for an opportunity to continue training... But I must have the discipline to stop myself...

If you are reading this, occupy me.. Ask me out... Think of something for me to do in the evenings... Thanks! =)

Hebrews 13

2010-02-24T20:23:00.002+08:00

Hebrews 13:1-5

Brotherly love must continue.

Do not neglect hospitality, because through it some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Remember those in prison as though you were in prison with them, and those ill-treated as though you felt their torment.

Marriage must be honoured among all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, for God will judge sexually immoral people and adulterers.

Your conduct must be free from the love of money and you must be content with what you have, for he has said,"I will never leave you and I will never abandon you."

John 6:63

2010-02-24T20:19:00.001+08:00

John 6:63

The Spirit is the one who gives life; human nature is of no help! The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.

Hebrews 10

2010-02-24T20:11:00.002+08:00

Hebrews 10:32-39

But remember the former days when you endured a harsh conflict of suffering after you were enlightened.

At times you were publicly exposed to abuse and afflictions, and at other times you came to share with others who were treated in that way.

For in fact you shared the sufferings of those in prison, and you accepted the confiscation of your belongings with joy, because you knew that you certainly had a better and lasting possession.

So do not throw away your confidence, because it has great reward.

For you need endurance in order to do God's will and so receive what is promised.

For just a little longer and he who is coming will arrive and not delay.

But my righteous one will live by faith, and if he shrinks back, I take no pleasure in him.

But we are not among those who shrink back and thus perish, but are among those who have faith and preserve their souls.

John 16:24

2010-02-24T20:05:00.001+08:00

John 16:24

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name.
Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

Some of my favourite love quotes

2010-02-24T19:56:00.002+08:00

If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you,
fill her above the brim with love of herself;
all that runs over will be yours.

- Charles Caleb Colton

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I have learned not to worry about love,
but to honor its coming with all my heart.

- Alice Walker

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You can give without loving,
but you cannot love without giving.

- Amy Carmichael

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What the world really needs is more love

- Pearl Bailey

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Love grows by giving.
The love we give away is the only love we keep.
The only way to retain love is to give it away.

- Elbert Hubbard

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A fool in love makes no sense to me.
I only think you are a fool if you do not love.

- Author unknown

3 Things about me that I hope people knew

2010-02-24T19:49:00.002+08:00

First thing

Under my tough cover, I am just a child. I might look strong, I might look fierce even... But I am a coward... I am scared of many things... Even normal things that people are not afraid of... Due to my experiences... I am a trouble magnet...

Believe me, I am not saying these things to 'seduce' you... I only wish you knew me better so that you will be kinder and more tender with your words... I am easily hurt by harsh and insensitive comments...

Second thing

I might seem aloof and distant when you try to talk to me... But the truth is... I am flattered and very happy... I am just frightened to come too close becauase I am a coward... If I suspect that I will like you too much, I might not even want to be your friend...

All I need is some gentle coaxing and perseverance... Try talking to me more please...

Third thing
I used to be innocent too. But I am not stupid... My experience has put the voice of the world in my head... Even if you don't say it out loud, I know what you said behind my back... I know what you said in Malay, Korean and other languages...

If you intend to start any kind of relationship with me, please guard your mouth even when I am not there... I know... I wish I didn't... But I know... and your malicious words behind my back keeps me away from you...

That's one of the reasons why I alienate myself from you...

The tale of 2 eagles

2010-02-24T19:03:00.003+08:00

I hate to write this... But I have to... It is one of those blog entries plopped straight into my mind by the Holy Spirit...

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I was at Hong Kong. It was five minutes before our meeting time.. I was standing at the twenty third floor hotel lobby looking out of the window... I saw 2 eagles... One was soaring intermittenly at a low level.. Only slightly higher than my eye level (at 23rd floor)... It flapped its wings tediously till it found its own pillar of hot air... It soared for awhile before losing the pillar of hot air and proceeding back to tediously flapping its wings in search of another pillar of hot air... For that split moments, it soared beautiful... before reverting back to its pigeon-like flapping...

The other eagle was flying at a much higher level... From my view, it looked so much smaller... But it did not flap its wings at all.. It was soaring effortlessly through the multiple pillars of hot air higher up in the atmosphere... It was magnificent...

----------------------------------------------------

God has created us to soar like eagles... But we must be at a level he has intended for us to be...

Perhaps the Koreans were my pillar of hot air.. I soared for a moment.. But when they left I reverted back to becoming a pigeon... What I need to do now is to move on to the higher level that God has intended me to be in...

I am just like that eagle who insists on flying on a lower level... There is a provider... Who can give me more than I can imagine.. But what I must do is to trust him and take the first step out... To brave the winds and fly at a higher level...

2 Peter

2010-02-24T18:41:00.004+08:00

2 Peter:4-9

Through these things he has bestowed on us his precious and most magnificent promises, so that by means of what was promised you may become partakers of the divine nature, after escaping the worldly corruption that is produced by evil desire.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith excellence, to excellence, knowlege; to knowledge, self-control; to self-control, perserverance; to perserverance, godliness; to godliness, brotherly affection; to brotherly affection, unselfish love.

For if these things are really yours and are continually increasing, they will keep you from becoming ineffective and unproductive in your pursuit of knowing our Lord Jesus Christ more intmately.

But concerning the one who lacks such things - he is blind. That is to say, he is nearsighted, since he has forgotten about the cleansing of his past sins.

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Consider the sequence:

Faith
Excellence
Knowledge
Self-control
Perseverance
Godliness
Brotherly Affection
Unselfish Love

Bowing

2010-02-24T18:18:00.002+08:00

One thing I learnt from the recent NCAP course... One thing I really really really admired... One thing that got into my heart... The following:

Bowing must be done in a slow and dignified manner... It signifies respect, humility and DEPENDENCE on another individual... Bowing must never be done to hide malicious intentions... It must be done genuinely...

I have been so lost.. So proud and so 'independent'... I have forgotten all about the fact that Taekwondo is all about mutual dependence... How can you spar without an opponent? How can you improve without someone to hold the target for you? How can you grow without someone to correct your mistakes? How can you train without an instructor... How can an instructor conduct a class without his students? How can juniors survive without the tender care of their seniors? How can seniors survive without the respect of their juniors?

The concept of mutual dependence is so intrinsic to taekwondo that it is encapsulated even in the process of bowing... Bowing has become such a habit that it has lost its significance.. In essence.. when you bow to someone, you are telling him/her that you GENUINELY respect him, you want to learn from him and you need him... Do it slowly and in a dignified manner.. With your feet closed, your fists at the side of your body... Do it properly... And everytime you do it, clense yourself.. Tell yourself this," I have bowed to this person, I will not do or say mean things about him... Or my bowing will lose its meaning."

Dear Lord,

I have been so wrong..
I now know that there is something
very innately wrong about my character..
My pride has forced me into a shell..
I am so sorry...

I am like salt that has lost its saltiness...
I am no longer good for anything...
For you have showed me grace...
And kept me in the squad...

I need to know the purpose...
Of my presence..
I am so sorry...
I am so sorry...

Thanks for blessing me despite my pride..

In Jesus's name,
Amen

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Sam Sir told me this: (pardon me for recollection errors)

Taekwondo trains a man to become a physically, morally and socially idealistic person.

In essence, man are flexible creatures... They will stay alive... even if they choose to direspect their parents, themselves... They can spout vulgarities, drink and smoke... indulge in all kinds of pornography... But what taekwondo trains us to be is to have a backbone of morals... Of inflexible values that must be attained... In order to have a dignified life...

Be a good man... Taekwondo is not all about kicks and punches, medals and fame... It is about being a good man...or woman...

Collection of thoughts (Premature wisdom)

2010-02-24T17:52:00.004+08:00

The coming of the Koreans and the Hongkong trip have brought so much thought to my head it is literally impossible to organize these thoughts into neat and constructive blog entries. Instead, they are merely premature ideas for future entries... consolidated in small passages. I hope you would be able to read between the lines... And I am confident that with your maturity, you will know exactly what is between the lines... Teach me... I have all the pieces, but I fail to put them together...

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I have always been a hater of pride... I hate it when others criticize the weak and imperfect... I see the world in a very different light... People are popular because of their talent, good looks, capability, confidence and achievement... But for me, the only thing that really matters is the heart... I have lived long enough to realize that the only relationship that matters are the genuine ones that can weather storms... If I am loved for my visible qualities (eg. Talent, money)... when I lose those things,my relationships crumble... I prefer to invest time on the genuine relationships that are based on heart to heart connection... It is of utmost importance that I know you will never judge me and will stay with me through thick and thin...

But such people are so rare... Instead of love, most people these days bond through hate... When they share a common hatred for someone, they feel equally victimized and hurt... They wallow in self-pity together and collectively ostracize that object of hatred... It is not difficult to find an object of hate... You just have to be different from the rest...

Perhaps my standards are high... People who are genuinely kind and God fearing.. such people are so rare... At least in the place I am in now... Instead of trying to mingle with those who fall short of my stringent criterion, I simply alienate myself from everyone... Thinking that I am protecting myself from them... Thinking that I am preventing myself from being corrupted... But how can I bring the love of God to those who really need it if I behave like a hermit? How can I be any good to the kingdom of God? I have become an object of hate... Contrary to my purpose... All because of my pride...

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I surprised myself... It was a Monday (22/2/10)...

I couldn't stop myself from losing faith in love... from losing faith in God... Despite all the faith proclaiming messages I have written on my blog... my mind has its own store of implicit memories that govern me to believe contrary... I no longer believe in love.. I no longer believe that God will be so kind to bless me with love, affection and warmth...

My heart is cold... I have become so good at living alone that I am truly independent... I have become so good at ignoring all my human emotions that there is no relationship I cannot severe...

But you moved me... For once, in a long time... Instead of indifference, I felt desperate... Even if it was for one second, I wanted to see you again... I felt human.. I found myself praying, “Please be kind to me... I am not greedy.. I just want one last look... Even if it is for one second...”

The voice of logic.. the voice of adulthood in my head said:

“It does not matter.. so what if you met them for one second, what difference would it make? You will never be able to own them... it is an impossible relationship... Your love will be wasted once again... And you will cry... You will taste bitterness and misery again... And you will be weakened...”

“I will take the weakness, bitterness and misery...I am willing to risk my heart and endure the pain... I know you will never understand it.. But these people really liked me... I have never been liked for years... Everyone around me has such a poor impression of me... Even I have started to hate myself... But they came.. And despite all odds.. managed to conjure an impression of love on me.. .They said that I was too kind... They told me that I was too sensitive and that would bring me hurt... For once, they thought me my shoes... Everyone else has only chided me for my sensitivity and labeled it as a legitimate cause to abuse me... They are precious to me... They loved me... They helped me to love myself...”

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When you become a fighter, you are no longer human... You no longer have the right to fear, weakness and pain... No one will forgive you.. not even yourself...

You may have menstrual cramps, you may have a sprained ankle, you may have a gigantic wart on the ball of your feet, you may be malnourished, you may have just suffered a lost in the family, you may have just lost your job, you may have just broken up with your boyfriend...

But in the arena, you are no longer you, you are a fighter and fighters cannot afford to have emotion, sympathy or love, they have no story... they have no human weakness.... They need only focus at the task at hand... to win...

A beautiful dream

2010-02-13T00:49:00.003+08:00

It was tough today...
Everywhere I look...
All I can see is the absence of you..
It is strange...
How your presence has changed my perception of space...

No longer do I associate the space with pain and rejection...
I am genuinely happy...
I am confident...

God has been kind to me...
He sent you to me exactly when I needed you...

I refrained from taking too many photos..
I refrained from acknowledging how happy I actually was...
All because I knew that when I look back at the photos...
I will remember you...
And I will miss you too much...

I must keep you in my memory and my memory alone...
No hard proof you really existed...
That way, I can imagine that you are only a dream...
That way, I can go back on to living the way I lived...
Before you came...

But I am glad you came...
If it was really a dream...
Then, it was a really good one...

You have given me the courage to do what I have to do...
You are solid hard proof that a more beautiful world exists...
Out in the dark, unexplored world...

WTF angels

2010-02-12T13:04:00.002+08:00

In the company of the Korean WTF peace corps, I have experienced three weeks of utter surreality...

We are all human beings.. But the four of them are so kind, so patient, so accommodating, polite, so perfect... and to top it off... so genuine.. It is hard to find any flaws with them...

Perhaps good upbringing can really change the nature of a man... I see nothing evil in their eyes... I thought all kind words and good actions, were merely acts cover up evil intentions.. But they were genuinely nice... and genuinely kind..

I know its childish... But I wish they could stay forever... Part of my mind knows that if they did stay for a longer period of time.. half a year perhaps, things might be different... We will definitely run into some conflict... We will experience culture shocks.. We might even start taking each other for granted... Worse of all, I might start getting used to their presence... and find it impossible to stay alive without them..

It is good then.. that they leave... And with them, my heart shall board the plane to Korea... Haha...

So surreal.. So beautiful... Ever since they came, I find myself crying every single night knowing that they will eventually leave... And the next day, I see myself drawing nearer to them trying to savour every single precious moment I have with them... It is this very painful cycle that occurred daily for the past three weeks... that has drained me...

But I am amazed by my own strength and mental capacity.. Knowing full well, the closer I get to them, the more devastated I will be... I still chose to draw near... Love is so great... I would rather have and lose.. then to not have at all...

Will make an effort to keep in contact with them!!!

They are God's gift to me... A month of joy... A breath of fresh air.... From them, I learned humility, respect, etiquette, tactfulness and kindness... Thank you so much for sending them to us God, really appreciate it!! =)

Prisoner of hope

2010-01-29T01:17:00.005+08:00

I hate to say this.. But I have appeared to have lost all faculties of getting depressed... I might try to induce some emotions, to savour the pain and heartache.. But I can't seem to push it far anymore... I can't cry for beyond 5 minutes... And even if I do succeed in flooding myself with all kinds of negative thoughts... Tbey don't seem to have power over me anymore... It is strange...

It appears that my body has lost all ability of becoming depressed... It is like it has forgotten how to be depressed.. It's strange really... When all I want to do now is to push myself off the cliff and sink right into the mad rush of negativity... I can't...

All I feel is this overwhelming sense of peace... Like God is holding on to my heart and resisting all my efforts in trying to sink it into the deep... It feels a lot like an ant's effort compared to the power that is now within me... It is strange.. And in a way.. miraculous.. Just a few months ago, I would have easily given in... Perhaps it is true.. To be a child of God.. is to be a prisoner of hope...

2010-01-26T00:11:00.004+08:00

Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day
may bring forth. (Proverbs 27:1)

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I do love this verse... It's so true... In the past, when people asked me about my plans for the future, I would (very reluctantly) begin talking about a future that seems very proper in the eyes of the world.. A future that involves a good stable job, a good stable hubby and good God-fearing children... It is my effort to blend into the crowd and be accepted..

But I have grown to embrace this rebellious nature of mine... I hate the common route of life.. I hate to have to conform to society's mold of a perfect life... And if there is one lesson that life has taught me well... That would be the lesson that life is unpredictable.. Of course, I have yet to reach the state of indifference when I would throw out the cliche of life being cruelly unpredictable.. But I do agree with the latter.. It is unpredictable..

Thus, when people ask me about my plans for the future (much of the abuse can be forecasted for CNY)... I would give them this reply, "I do not know what God has in store for me... BUT I plan to embrace the callings in my life... Persist in my passion for taekwondo and and take on as many odd jobs as I can find to sustain that dream."

Which would be the plain truth...

Of course, I have thought about other exit strategies such as asking them about their lives before they even begin to get 'concerned' about mine... But perhaps, what this wod lacks is that bit of honesty... I would be a better host this year... I would answer their questions and change the topic to lighter hearted ones like movies and music...

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With that said, my future is really a vast blotch of darkness... I can't see a future beyond tomorrow... Everything seems to be meaningless... Save my passion for taekwondo.. Even that, I can't see a clear direction...

I crave for change.. For some kind of immense adventure... For someone to sweep me off my feet... For an opportunity to learn so much that it opens new doors and windows for self learning..

But my future was never in my hands.. It has always been in the hands of God..

Dear Lord,

You have said in your holy scriptures that
the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter,
that our future can only bring greater things into our lifes.

I feel the age of years weighing upon my shoulders,
I feel the need to define myself..
I feel the need for maturity and independence...

Age should have been a pleasing gift...
For with age comes wisdom and understanding...
But I fear that I have grown embarrassed of my age...
I do not feel wise or independent enough to be of this age...
Even my family members mock me...

Please bless me with a direction...
I commit everything into your hands..

In Jesus's name,
Amen

2010-01-22T02:08:00.002+08:00

My sister once told me:

Sometimes people abuse you or ignore you because they love you too much... They are afraid that you might leave them one day... and when that day comes, they will not have the capacity to handle your departure.. Thus they distance themselves from you from the very beginning.. hoping that when that day arrives... They will be able to handle it better...

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How I wish that this the reason why people distance themselves from me... Then my loneliness won't be in vain...

love

2010-01-22T01:45:00.006+08:00

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brother. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:16)

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I was at church last Sunday... Sitting in the auditorium... I felt a whole lot of emotion welling through me during praise and worship... I felt happiness, sadness, weariness, indifference, heartache... And the camera swept past my seat and showed me on the big screen, I was surprised to see that all I could see was a stoning middle aged lady staring blankly at the stage...

It was then that I realized... that it does not matter how much emotion you feel... If you do not act on them... It is as good as if those emotions never existed... You might think that it is obvious enough and the world can see it... But the world is so good at ignoring the obvious.... what makes you think they can see through you?

Of course once in a while, you do meet an insightful person who sees right through you... But how often do such people come along?

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Therefore, if you really do love someone... Do something about it... Cast aside all your reservations.. you can only live once... and today... could very well be the day you made the best decision of yourself... to love freely... It does not have to be a romantic love.. Love exists in so many forms... None greater than the other...

It is not good to mock or insult someone who loves greatly..
Nor is it good to praise a person full of hate...
In so doing, you are building barriers around the sacred..
And allowing the profane to go unpunished...

And yet, such is the way of the world...
A woman who loves boldly is insulted...
A man who loves boldly is humiliated...
People who criticize others and hate openly...
Are respected and feared...

Reading myself

2010-01-18T12:38:00.002+08:00

Two months away from my blog and I feel like I have accumulated a wealth of unwritten blog entries... All waiting to be unleashed on koalathong... The problem with writing blog entries is that you crave for readership.. Which I foresee will lead me inevitably to revealing this blog address on my facebook page in approximately one or two days time (God, I do know myself quite well)

Of course there is always this constant fear within me that someone who hates me might stumble on this blog and once again use its contents as food for his/her sarcastic and mean jokes... But with that said, men were so critical of Jesus when he was on this world... Did he stop preaching? Did he stop doing all that controversial healing on sabbath? No.

So I guess that that piece of reservation will be torn apart in approximately 30 hours... and you will be reading this around Wednesday morning...

Haha, does sound a little Sherlock Holmes of me doesn't it? Haha.

Language

2010-01-18T12:34:00.003+08:00

I have been good with words since I was young... Always been a straight As English student..

But it is only lately that I have learned that English, or rather, language is only a means of translation of the substance you have within you... the thoughts you have in your mind... the character you house in your body and the holy spirit you have within you.. If you have excellent language but queer and terrible thoughts, even the most beautiful English cannot make what you write beautiful..

With that said, consider the bible... Consider the NIV... Simple sentences... But so powerful...

Update on my life

2010-01-18T11:55:00.004+08:00

The past two months of my life have been floaty (sorry if it reminds you of root beer)... I must say that it feels a lot like drifting from day to day in a dream like state... it carries with it this surreal quality that is both delectable and revolting...

It is like this.. when you have yet to find your direction in life... My pastor mentioned this yesterday... I know its quite an assumption to jump into the belief that that could possibly be the message that God has put into his mouth for me.. but what if it is...

"You will always be feeling uncomfortable when you are not making use of the gift that God has put in you."

Yes... It must be so then... All I have to do is to find the direction that God has planned for me... My mum says that all I have to do is to take the bold step and leave and God will do the rest... lead me to the place he has for me..

Nonetheless, I really do not want to... I must admit that I have become hooked on this lifestyle... I am a training addict... I can't imagine any other life... Perhaps I will grow into one of those 40 year olds who still make it a point to exercise everyday.. for fear of aging or simply gaining weight... This sorts of bring another analogy to mind... PARALLEL time...

Female smokers... Can't stop smoking... Too afraid that in the absence of smoke, they might gain weight... Sadly, in the process of smoking, they are shortening their lives and causing their skin to age faster... Perhaps the best thing to do is to... STOP smoking, exercise more... and invest in a good skin care regime to cure the years of smoke damage to their skin...

Guess it is time to take a bold step... What will it be? Haha, if my life is a korean soap opera... this will be one of those intriguing end of episodes.. HAHA

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I guess it might come to a shock to some of you that I am actually capable of writing such 'worldly' blog entries.. Well, I guess I am a fervent christian.. but that is really only one aspect of me... There are so many other sides of me... And I am only starting to understand myself better!!

Night

2010-01-18T11:20:00.004+08:00

Most people feel particularly emotional at night... And when they wake in the morning, they are confronted with feelings of bemusement, disbelief and sometimes, absolute shock... of the thoughts they have conceived the night before... of their rash words and actions... They quickly delete the memory of their moments of weakness... delete all traces of their helplessness and passion and delete all inappropriate face book messages...

But I have started considering the possibilities of this night time influx of emotion... What if it is really our most honest time of the day... when all that strength and facade of poise is ripped away and you are left with your raw true self... Perhaps it is wise to respect the thoughts you develop when you are your in your true, raw, vulnerable form...

The frightening truth is that unlike other days... I woke up this morning feeling stronger in the convictions I had developed the night before... Perhaps, my ideas and emotions have led to the birth of a new revelation.. One that is not meant to be deleted like the rest...

One that is meant to be respected...

Hope

2009-11-09T23:51:00.001+08:00

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

The world we live in is used to despair, to hopelessness, to trauma and disappointment. It is used to disease, to poverty, to distress and to every kind of decay and rottenness in humanity. The world is used to such things. What they are not used to is – HOPE.

As such, this is the thing that distinguishes Christians from the rest of the world. We have Jesus and because of him we have hope.

Needless to say, this hope leads to all kinds of strange, incomprehensible behavior. Because the world does not understand your hope, they will not understand your behavior. And because you are such a puzzle, they can either choose to:

Love you
Hate you

Why would they choose option 1? Simply because the most beautiful thing you can ever offer anyone is a sense of mystery. Also because you provide a platform of hope that no other in the world can provide. And it is so much easier to love you with the divine favour of Christ wrapped all around you.

Sadly, most people would choose option 2. It is in fact, the default option. People will automatically dislike people they do not understand. So perhaps the best options for hopies like us is to explain ourselves like Peter 1 3:15 says - Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

When something bad happens, people will have to cope with an influx of helplessness, depression and hopelessness. To cope, they build up a wall of strength, feigned confidence, convincing themselves that they can solve any problem at hand. This positive mindset might work for a while but after awhile, they find themselves inevitably overwhelmed.

Instead of providing assistance to these overwhelmed people, the world can be harsh and indifference. Our victims of live move from being overwhelmed to becoming in a state of absolute shock. They are shocked by how harsh the world can be. To protect themselves, to grow (as the world believes), they harden their hearts and become unfeeling, unemotional, inhumane creatures.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)

This is where we differ. When men disappoint us, we still have hope. And this hope, the hope that comes from Jesus does not disappoint us. So, we are always happy because we have a God that is always above all our circumstances. Our God is so powerful that he could part the red sea. So whatever your circumstances today, God can fix it. And because of this hope, we do not have to worry or to harden our hearts.

Perhaps, as ambassadors of hope, you will have to suffer some persecution, but fear not, the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter. When you put Jesus in the center of your life, everything else fades under his splendor and you are no longer so bothered by the small insignificant affairs of everyday life.

Godly Smoothie

2009-11-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

The world is lost. They need clear instructions as to how to live. How to live the life God has planned for them to live. A life where blessings flow abundantly and peace and joy resides within every magical moment of the day. A life that is so beautiful it makes waking so much more pleasant than sleeping. But to lead this kind of life, you need the word of God.

In life, only one thing is needful – to sit at Jesus’s feet and listen to his word.

I never use to understand this theory. In fact, the best time of my life has not been defined by the circumstances I was in. It was defined by how much time I spent in God’s word. It is hard to describe it in words. Perhaps a chart would better describe it:

Circumstances	Time spent in God’s word	Quality of life
Poor	Much	Fantastic
Good	Much	Fantastic
Poor	Little	Poor (traumatic)
Good	Little	Poor (empty)

It is really the only factor that matters. Our circumstances are like the weather. Like the weather, our circumstance changes so rapidly. But one principle remains. People are naturally drawn to God in the face of adversity. And in the process they find themselves delving deeper into the word of God ONLY in the face of hardship. It is ironic that it is during the hard times, where I struggle with my nasty circumstances but find time to comfort myself with the word of God that I feel the most fulfilled. Perhaps I should rephrase. The word of God comforts me.

Moral of the story? We should all spend time with the word of God in ALL our circumstances whether it is good or poor. That is the only thing that matters. A prosperous life that is peaceful and smooth sailing will become boring and meaningless without God. A life of disease and persecution will lead to a downward spiral of hopelessness and depression without God.

But in the presence of God, poor circumstances only lead to development of strength and character. And good circumstances become opportunities to bless others in God’s kingdom. Instead of emptiness, you will be filled with purpose.

What is spending time in God’s word? Some people read the word; some hear recordings of the word. For me, nothing can exceed the pleasure I get from reading God’s word and writing blog entries about it. It is this process of studying each verse and blending it with my own personal experience that creates a Godly smoothie of peace and joy within me.

I used to believe that this Godly smoothie was only a coping strategy for hard times. But now I realize that I need this smoothie everyday. It is the very thing that renews my mind each day by removing the junk of this world - the nonsense, hopelessness, paranoia and negativity and replacing these nonsense with Godly thoughts - Nothing is impossible with God, God will supply every need in accordance to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus, If God is for me, no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Life itself is not easy. I believe that God has the best examples for this point. It is all over the bible. But lets consider the picture of the disciples on the ship amidst the storm. It is so easy to get lost in the circumstances. In fact, the circumstances are so overwhelming. Death is at your doorstep. Who can have the faith to keep calm and believe that God is in control of all things? In fact, it is just human nature to help ourselves, to try to pull in the sails, try to off load the ship. And when finally, we are out of options, we choose to wake Jesus up for help.

And after we ask for help, we doubt that the help would arrive. We live in fear that Jesus has abandoned us to our own devises. But listen clearly, Jesus ALWAYS answers. Jesus woke up and called to the winds. The storm was ended.

It is so easy to focus on the winds and the rain. To focus on the things we can hear, the emotions we feel, the pains that attack us so mercilessly. And similarly, it is easy to humanize Jesus and reduce him to the natural. After all, he looks and feels just like us. He is after all 100% man and 100% God. But please resist this tendency to underestimate Jesus.

The only way, we can feel the peace amidst the storm is to be firmly aware of the following 3 points:

Jesus is the son of God
Jesus is the most powerful being in this world
Jesus is for you. (God is on your side)

Well, most Christians do get past the first two points. They know it but they don’t really understand it. It takes a revelation to understand the greatness of the first two points. With that said, it takes an even greater amount of faith to internalize the third point. After all, years of education has taught us the principle of do good get good, do bad get bad. How can God be for us when we have done so many bad things? We can’t shake off the mindset that Jesus is our ultimate judge.

The truth is - Jesus was never sent to judge us. Nor was he sent to condemn us. He was sent to love us, to provide for us and fill the void within us that only he can fill. The church was meant to be a beacon of hope for the hopeless, not a school of law. And more so in recent years when our lives are so filled with lies and hopelessness. Everyday we are in desperate need of Jesus (manna).

Therefore, the church can no longer be negligent in proclaiming the grace of God. We have to drum into the heads of our people the benefits of the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus:

Forgiveness of all our sins
Redemption from all destruction
Healing of all our disease and
The fulfilling of our desires with good things that our youth is renewed like the eagles.

(Psalms 103)

They must know it before they can receive it! Proclaim the gospel (good news) of Christ and see lives being transformed.

2009-10-08T23:23:00.003+08:00

Dear Lord Heavenly father,

I have learned so much over the last three months.
And yet all this worldly wisdom
has failed to fill me up.
I still fill as empty as ever.
It is now that I realize that only your love and grace
can fill me up.

Work is good.
It does not only give me the money I need to look after myself,
It also gives me some form of distraction and purpose.
I find it enormously meaningful
To spend my time educating the young.
It is so much better than just focusing on my training alone,
having no regard to everyone else.

I feel that this job is really a noble one.
And I truly appreciate it.
I do not know how long I would last in this profession.
I feel that I am lacking grace and favour in this area.
And that is why people keep finding fault in me.
This is why I receive all kinds of mean comments.

Perhaps teaching is really not meant for me.
Maybe there is a better job out there for me.
Whatever it is, please give me a sign.
Bless me with the wisdom that I might know what to do.

I believe firmly that good leaders and bad leaders,
You created them both.
And you gave them both with power to govern your men.
Thus, I must respect these authority figures
and leave when my time is up.

Please bring me to a better place,
Where I can feel welcomed and at ease.
This stress is affecting my health.

I pray for your grace to be upon my school,
my students,
my family,
my training squad,
and me.
Please bless us all with your superabounding grace and favour.

All this I pray in Jesus's name,
Amen

2009-10-06T23:58:00.004+08:00

I used to take everything very seriously. I was a perfectionist. I wanted everything perfect. But as I got older, I learned to take things more lightheartedly. For wisdom and God's grace has taught me that nothing earth really matters. As long as God is still God, we are luckiest and most blessed people on earth.

But my job - teacher has successfully instilled another voice in head. Teaching has this tendency to blow up every minor error. It makes every minor hiccup sound catastrophic. "DO YOU KNOW THE CONSEQUENCE OF THIS?" We are being taught how letting one child off the hook for a minor mistake can lead to a serious consequence.

I tried to live up to this expectation. But I just can not be perfect. And this has made me so stressed, I find it hard to do my job well. Everywhere I go, every student I see has a potential problem... Minor things like forgetting to go for a haircut... not tucking in their shirts... are all major problems... and if I ignore them, I will be condoning them and encouraging them. That will be my irresponsibility as a teacher.

I hate this voice of law drumming in my head... It is robbing me of my peace... Perhaps teaching is really not the job for me. I need a job that shouts grace grace!! A job where my patience and cheerful nature will be appreciated.. and not hated and despised as a form of negligence!!

Teaching

2009-10-06T23:36:00.004+08:00

I used to think that the most important trait of a teacher is intelligence. You have to be an expert in the subject you are teaching in order to be a good teacher.

Now I know that I was wrong. To be a good teacher you need to be so much more than an expert in your subject. You need to:

Be willing to be hated (Remember that your job is not to make the students like you. It is to help them do well in their studies and grow up to be good people)
Develop a new face/personality (your face have to be in a permanent frown in class - otherwise, your students won't take you seriously)
Patience is important!! (But you must never let your students know that you are patient. You have to be the most unreasonable, demanding teacher you can be in order to discipline the students - the students must be so frightened of you that they are afraid of stepping out of line)
You got to be firm (if you cannot manage the class and get them to respect you enough to listen, no matter how good you are at a subject, you will never be able to teach them anything)
Students respond well to clear instructions. Even the naughtiest of kids love instructions. They need step to step instructions. Never give vague instructions. NEVER leave the kids without instructions. Even if you have nothing to say, make something up. They need to hear instructions.
Every child has this inner longing to be disciplined. It is only when you discipline them, that they know that you care about them.
Never lower your expectations to meet your students'. Pressure them to rise up to meet your expectations.
You must believe in your students and be willing to enforce discipline on them. If you do not discipline them and let them run around like monkeys. They will take that as their identity. Enforce the correct identity on them - good students. Pressure them to rise up to it.
Teachers get so much respect that they often don't deserve. Every personal small act of kindness is blown out of proportion. So value your words and take every opportunity to encourage and talk to the students individually.
If you put in your best effort and your heart into teaching, your students will feel it. This will inspire them to work harder themselves. Nothing is more encouraging then seeing someone who believes in you.

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I have been told that I am not teaching material and that I must face up to that humbly and accept that not everyone is born for teaching. Maybe they are right. There are some aspects to this profession that I just cannot stand. I cannot stand putting up an angry face all day. I can stand shouting all day long. And I can't stand getting all kinds of unconstructive criticism from people who have this solidified bad impression of me.

If teaching just involves teaching and helping the students. I would very confidently say that this is the job for me. Unfortunately, it is so much more than that. Above being a responsible teacher, you have to be able to make your superiors like you... You have to also do all kinds of backstage work like marking, setting of papers, planning events, organizing of equipment, CCA management....

MOE, if you are reading this... Please hire some people who specialize on all the additional work so that we teachers can focus on teaching... Anyone can do admin work. Anyone can invigilate. Why hire a graduate, who has been trained for years in her subject just to force her to do admin work? Why waste the energy and precious time of such talents teachers on such tedious, mundane tasks? Why not just hire an O level graduate to do those tasks so that the nurturing, patient and genuinely concerned teachers can focus on doing their job - teaching? They will also be more patient and kind to their students as they will be happier. Please do not waste the energy and talent of precious teachers by making them clerks and admin staff as well....

In Conflict

2009-09-24T23:37:00.005+08:00

As a teacher I must acknowledge the importance of discipline.

Do not withhold discipline from a child,
If you punish him with a rod, he will not die.
(Proverbs 23:13)

Discipline is a lot like a net... If you really wish to enforce it, you need to have a flawless net... One tiny hole and it is ruined... The hole will only grow larger with time and before you know it, you will lose even the good ones...

The good and disciplined students need to be praised and appreciated, or they too will slip out of the net.

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But I am in conflict. As a firm believer of grace... It is so deeply ingrained in me that we must forgive and love in order to let the child grow... But now I believe that nothing can be worse than overly pampering a child. Remember that the child is young and his moral values are not well formed yet. If he cannot find the leadership he needs in his parents or teachers, he will look for other sources (bullies and gangsters)... Frightening eh?

Therefore discipline is important... If you really love your child or student, you will discipline him... You got to firmly knock in the values in his head such that he will develop a voice that will hold him back from doing wrong when he tempted... Such a voice in the head cannot come just like that... it needs to be drummed in...

Once the discipline is set, this is when grace comes in... As a leader, you need to be able to distinguish genuine errors from errors that conducted deliberately due to disregard... The latter must be addressed firmly.. The former should be dealt with grace.... If you forgive a genuine offense... you will win the person over.. But you if choose to punish him for something that is not his fault, you will lose him... Therefore, it is not a light matter... Think carefully before executing punishment...

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I have to toughen up and train myself to be a firm and strict teacher... It is not about me... Personally, I don't like the new me.. The one who won't hesitate to pick on your flaws, point at you and stare at you... But this is the person I have to become in order to ensure that my students learn well.. To train them into better people.. To be the leader they need... I need to be a figure of authority that is worthy of respect before they would consider coming to me when they have a problem... If I keep smiling and appearing weak and relaxed all the time, they will definitely hesitate before coming to me... They might even choose bad company over me...

Therefore, NO time to lose... The change must start NOW!!

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Dear heavenly Father,

I pray that you bless me with the wisdom I need
To be a good teacher, fighter, Training partner, daughter and friend.
I know very well that you can work without me.
But I have come to learn also that you empower people
and place them in positions to make a difference.
And I want to make this positive difference.

Therefore dear Lord, I pray for the wisdom and patience
That is required not only to handle the students,
but also the staff and many training partners.
Some of my training mates are as young or even younger
than my students.
It is hard for me to switch roles.
I fear that I might end up hurting them
Or worse hurting the atmosphere at the training area.
Please bless me with the wisdom and favour I need.

I commit everything in your hands dear Lord.
This is not an easy time for me.
I am always tired and I find it hard to be alert and vigilant at all times.
I find it hard to drag myself to training after a hard day's work.
I find it hard to wake up every morning
Knowing I have to spend my day shouting at students.
I find it very difficult to tolerate the attitude problem
Of some of the people around me
My patience is coming to its limit.

And yet, I have been through much worse.
And you have kept me alive.
This is why I am confident.
This is why i am not afraid
Thank you dear Lord!!

In Jesus's name,
Amen

The king's test

2009-09-23T23:47:00.005+08:00

There was once a king with two sons - James and William. Of the two, he had to select one to be the heir of his throne. He decided to give them a test.

He brought the two boys to an empty room and gave them each a copper coin. He said, "Buy something with this copper coin that can fill up the entire room. The person who succeeds will be the heir to the throne."

With the copper coin, James bought a large amount of hay. He layed the hay in the room and tried to spread it out to fill the entire room but failed. After many hours, his father the king came to him. "You have failed my Son. Now let's wait and see how your brother does."

They moved the hay out of the room and invited William in. They were surprised to see that William had only one tiny box in his hand. The king was surprised. He asked, " Son, have you come here unprepared?" William answered with a gentle smile, "No father, I am confident that this tiny thing here will fill the entire room."

William closed the curtains of the room and shut the lights. He took out the box and lite it. It was a candle. The light of the candle filled the entire room and the room was bright. William had succeeded in fulfilling the task. He was selected as the heir of the kingdom.

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Morals of the story:

Sometimes you got to think out of the box to come up with a solution.
All you need is a tiny light to light up the darkness. NEVER EVER underestimate the impact you can make. Always give yourself a chance. Give God a chance to work through you. You will surprise yourself.
Wisdom can only seen when a person is put to test

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Your way Vs God's way

2009-09-21T22:54:00.008+08:00

There are two ways to solving a problem:

1) God's way (The way it should be.. the way that God intended it to be)

2) Man's way (The way that man has devised over years of experience to make life more bearable for himself)

The world is not an easy place to live in. Well, perhaps it can be quite easy for a baby, but you must admit that life gets tougher and tougher each day. As you grow older, you get more and more exposed to the harshness of this world. You start to learn that people are not really the kindest of all beings... That most of the times, doing the right thing takes extra energy while doing the wrong thing comes so easily... It is as if you were born to do the wrong thing...

That is the brutal truth of this world.... Anything apart from that, is just a padded and cushioned version of the truth to make life simpler for our vulnerable young ones... Unfortunately,the natural order of this harsh reality is also very true for children in school... And to cope with bitching and discrimination, children can either learn to deal with it with their own wisdom and power (man's way) or to deal with it God's way....

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Example 1:

A child is being bullied in class... His entire class discriminates him and makes fun of him every single day of the week... He feels left out and lonely... He starts to realize that the quickest way of being accepted is to be mean to others and act cocky... To bitch about others behind their backs and discriminate the weak ones... He has two options now:

Option 1 (Man's way)
He starts picking fights in class and spewing vulgarities... He challenges the teachers and bullies the newcomers. The students in class starts becoming afraid of him and decides to stop bullying him... He thinks that his classmates respect him and believes that he has done the right thing...

Some students even being to admire his 'courage' in speaking up to the teachers... and they decide to befriend him and join him in behaving badly in class... Together, they form the gang in class and any student who refuse to conform to their bad behavior will be bullied and discriminated by them...

Option 2 (God's way)
The child knows that bitching about people and bullying the weak is a very bad thing to do... As we should all treat others the way we wish to be treated... He, of all people know the pains of being ill treated and how lonely it can be... He decided that no matter how harsh the circumstances get... he will stand firm on God's word and not conform to the patterns of this world just to fit in... Though he knows that it is the fastest way to fit in, he will not hurt others just to fit in...

When the new student comes, instead of discriminating him, he chose to befriend him... Slowly but surely, the class starts to realize that you don't have to be mean to be accepted... Eventually the class is touched by his efforts... and by God's supernatural grace.. this culture of bullying is removed...

Of course the child persistence on keeping to God's way has caused him much more suffering as compared to the scenario 1 where he chose to do it 'man's way'.... but in the long run, it solved the problem... not by transferring the suffering to someone else, but by genuinely solving the problem of class bullying...

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God's way is definitely not the fastest way... It is also not the most pain free and easy way... In fact, it takes loads of determination and courage to execute God's plan and purpose in your life... Sometimes it gets so hard that you begin to doubt that the way is even effective... But fret not, God does not leave you with a difficult situation and not provide the solution... He will bless you with everything you need to overcome it... Your only job is to hang on and not give up...

Because you do not conform to the patterns of the world, people will find you strange... And your persistence on doing good will cause them to feel uncomfortable because they feel inevitably small and immoral beside you... You will probably end up being ostracized... And when people realize you are patient and kind, they will take advantage of you and criticize you openly, knowing that you will not retaliate...

But persist because you have a weapon the world does not have. You have God's grace! All this pain and suffering you are going through now is really not what normal humans can bear... It leads them to depression which eventually leads to all kinds of cancers and illnesses... But not for you, because this hardship will not overcome you... By God's grace, instead of becoming weak, you will be stronger, wiser and more Christ like...

You are God's child and he will help you through this with his super abounding grace and favour... When you align yourself with the plans God has for you in your life... you can't help but succeed... So persist in doing good and not listen to the counsel of the ungodly.. They might be doing it with good intention but exercise discernment... Choose the right advise to listen to... Of course some of the advise is good... but be sure to cast out the bad advise and not be tempted to follow them...

I am firmly aware of my identity in Christ... I am God's child... And God's child does not do something wrong and hurt others just to succeed... I know that my ways and silly persistence may seem annoying and strange to the people around me... But eventually one day when I succeed, I can boldly say that God's way is indeed the most effective way... My life would be a pure testimony... As opposed to.. yes, I did do it God's way 90% of the time but I also bitched and back stabbed 10% of the time....

That 10% taints everything...

With that said, I do make a multitude of mistakes... Whether as a teacher, fighter, friend or daughter... I do make many mistakes... But none of them were intentional... and none of them were done with the intention of hurting anyone... I am only human... And worse still, I am a young and inexperienced human... That's all I can do... I make mistakes... but I trust that God can use my weakness and mistakes and turn it around for good eventually...

That's what God's grace is all about... Living life fully aware of God's good opinion of you... and trusting that God's power is perfected in your weakness...

Lastly.. Quote of the day - You got to be tough minded, but soft-hearted

His glory appears

2009-09-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEdPiuAR66I

Fantastic song (Hillsong love-hope-faith)

You gave me hope
You made me whole
At the cross.

You took my place
You showed me grace
At the cross
where you died for me.

And his glory appears
like the light from the sun
Age to age
He shines!

Oh, look to the skys
Hear the angels cry
Singing holy is the Lord.

You gave me hope
You made me whole
At the cross.

You took my place
You showed me grace
At the cross
where you died for me.

And his glory appears
Like the light from the sun
Age to age,
He shines!!

Oh look to the sky
Hear the angels cry
Singing holy is the Lord

Apology

2009-09-08T00:35:00.003+08:00

I must apologize for neglecting this blog. I have been so busy of late that it is nearly impossible to squeeze in sufficient sleep time. Let alone garner the patience I need to switch on my dinosaur laptop. Well, the good news is that I have finally liberated myself from slow speed computing and gotten myself a new net book. Small be fast. Will try to blog more from now on.

But it is true. Time is a crucial factor. Now that I am busy with work, training and tuition, I really am unable to blog as diligently as before. Many great blog ideas now hover at the gates of birth and only the best will make it through to the blog... And even then, I seriously doubt that I will be able to write much. I will probably end up summarizing my ideas into concise blog entries. But well, I must have faith that I am nothing but a vessel of God. If he has a purpose for me to write good blog entries, I will certainly produce the treasures. No doubt about that.

Before I forget, I am enormously touched that my blog (of 4 blog entries) actually has a follower!! Thanks dear!! You give reason to blog!!

Will try my best to 'grace' this page more often... Love ya!!

Wrong lessons

2009-08-08T00:31:00.001+08:00

Humans are remarkably intelligent creatures... They learn instinctively... consciously and subconciously... It is this ability that has ensured the success our species...

Very unfortunately, today's topic will not be on Darwin's theory of evolution... I was also tempted to write about how humans instinctively mimic the behaviors of other successful human beings (whether or not these behaviors will eventually lead them to success as well)... But then it will inevitably lead to some form of chicken and egg theory... So perhaps, the best thing to write about now is the following... How humans learn wrong lessons in life...

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When the sun is shining brightly and everybody adores you... You feel no need to change.. You are comfortable and secure and oh so proud and confident... But when bad things happen... the human being is compelled to look within themselves for the reasons as to why these bad things happen... this is know has introspection... Which is actually a neutral word... Except in my dictionary... It's BAD...

But in mainstream culture.. Introspection is seen to be to some degree good.. It help us reflect on how we can adjust our behavior, speech, dressing.. and even our mindset to make us more socially acceptable... or to allow us to perform our jobs better.... Basically, through introspection we modify ourselves to make ourselves less likely to be the target of another blow of trauma...

Sadly, while introspection do encourage people to become 'better'... most people pick up bad habits from this act of introspection.. This is most evident in the phenomenon know as peer pressure...

What is peer pressure? It is simply the pressure your peers exert on you to be similar to them.. For example a child might be pressured to pick up smoking because all his friends in class smoke... So in order to fit in and be well-liked by the others in his class, he decides to succumb and pick up smoking...

Therefore, let's get to the main point of our entry today - wrong lessons....

Picture this (true story):

A child topples from a height of 2 metres, landing head first while he was trying to steal cookies from the upper shelve of the kitchen cabinet... His mother rushes to the kitchen all ready to scream at him... He picks himself up immediately, smiles at his mother and attempts to clean up the mess he's made to appease her and prevent her from blowing her top at him....

24 hours later, this small boy die of internal injury.. head trama...

It is sad... but this is a true story that happened in Singapore... The child was so afraid of his mothers screams that he did not tell his mother that he was in pain... and the delayed treatment eventually led to his death....

Who's learned a wrong lesson here? Both mother and child...

Mother:
She's micmicking her own mother who screamed at her when she made any tiny mistakes when she was young... It successfully reduced the cases of mistake occurences for her so she decides that it is an effective measure to take when young kids make mistakes...

Child:
Mummy gets angry easily... I better not tell her when I have problem.. She does not handle difficult situations well.. She screams at me whenever I get hurt... I better not show her any signs of pain....

The result of the wrong lessons - the lost of a life...

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Of course not all examples are as dramatic and heart wrenching as the example given above.. but you do get the message right? That there are many solutions to solving a problem... what works for you... might be effective to perhaps a 70% degree.. but there might be an even better solution out there that can have a 100% effectiveness...

Let me illustrate:

A girl was rejected by a boy at the age of 15.... She was so severly traumatised that she made a promise to herself that she would never fall in love again....

For the next 30 years of her life, she rejected all opportunities presented to her... and stayed single and stable... and reasonably happy.... She thinks to herself "I am so happy I made the right decision at 15 to stay single all my life."

What she does not know is that God had a better plan for her... to be married.. loved and to bear children...

Of course her solution (to block our all guys) worked. It prevented her from being traumatised again... But it was a terribly wrong lesson to learn....

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Lessons learnt through bad experiences can sometimes be so ingrained in our subconsciousness that they are nearly impossible to fix... With that said, nothing is impossible for God... Pray for the wisdom and strength to see things as they really are and to learn the correct lessons through hardship....

God's grace!!

Different = Bad?

2009-08-08T00:14:00.000+08:00

I noticed this from my new job - contract teacher at MOE... that most people tend to be afraid of change.. Or rather... they tend to view peculiar things in a bad light... Not because they are rigid or mean... It's just that they are alarmed and taken aback by things they do not know... They simply do not know how to handle it.. And thus.. for most of them...

Different = Bad

Thus, they either start panicking.. or they resort to all means and ways to get rid of the new thing...

Picture this... A man tends to a small patch of grass for 10 years.. He weeds and mows the grass diligently... hoping that one day, a stray seed might find its way onto his grass patch and blossom into a beautiful flower... One day, he saw a small weedlike flower... He was afraid and he did not know what to do... Because he has never seen it before.. and yet... it was so beautiful he felt that it was such a waste to get rid of it.. However, he is similarly afraid that it might just be a weed that might take over the grass patch if action is not taken immediately... Thus, he just stands there and stresses over it for hours....

What this man does not know is that his dream was just on the verge of materialising... and it all depends on how he deals with this new and peculiar flower... The easy path would be simply to walk away and let nature take its course... but he chooses to ruminate and stress over this little flower...

Many of us are like that... When God blesses us with some things or some people.. they might not look or appear to be like what we have expected them to be... But in these people lie the greatest treasure God has in store for you... Do not dismiss them simply because they are different... For all you know, you might be killing the very blessing you've been praying for for years...

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The solution?

We must always move ourselves out of our comfort zones and expose ourselves to things that are different... In fact, try experimenting new things every now and then... Pick up a new sport... Get a new pet.... Dress differently.. You are bound to meet NEW people... and you eventually learn that peculiar people are not bad... they are just different.. With sufficient patience and genuine concern, anyone can be a good friend, collegue and buddy...

Being different might not necessarily be bad... especially in a world so ridden with misconstrued religion and other vices... Sometimes, if not most of the times, being different means that you are the only one who is right...

God never asked us to be exact photocopies of each other.. Be brave and original... And have enough faith to believe that people will love you for who you really are... even if you are different from them...

I'm back

2009-08-08T00:01:00.001+08:00

Welcome back Koalathong... I am sorry I had to move you to another address... But I really did enjoy that period of privacy... Where I could keep everything to myself... But well, I am aware that God's grace and blessing requires an outlet in order for it to flow... So perhaps, it is time for me to revive this blog...

Why Koala? Well, I find myself quite alot like a koala... I sleep alot, Eat alot... Cling on to things alot... But more importantly, I like the image of a koala gripping on the a tree... it sort of reminds me of a christian clinging on to the word of God and his promises... That kind of blind childlike faith... It's beautiful...

So yap, Koala Thong it is... Needless to add... Thong's my surname... a small bit of me in this blog.. Though most of the time, I just hope that it will be God speaking through me...

God's grace... God Grace!!!